Long ago, in the year 2013, a ragtag band of adventurers known as the Warner Bros. discovered a musty scroll that spoke of an ancient treasure buried deep within the hills of the west. It was the legendary chest said to contain long-lost filming rights to Dungeons & Dragons. How could this assemblage of scribes, accounting wizards, and a level 14 casting agent resist the allure of such a prize?
Arming themselves the boots of rebooting, a cloak of distraction, and a several vials of a powerful nostalgia potion, the troupe answered the call of high adventure. Having negotiated a murky labyrinth festooned with obstacles left by studio gods displeased by the works of man, this group reached their destination. But a shield of litigation ensconced the glittering hoard that lay before them. “Nay,” bellowed the sorcerers of Hasbro’s Allspark Pictures and Sweetpea Entertainment. “Thou shalt not take these riches for your own. We have seen what foul, misshapen beasts were brought forth in the past. Leave now, or perish.”
Tales spread of the adventurers being cast permanently into the sulphurous plane known as development hell. But now the bards of Variety bring news that after 10 months of grueling trials, these combatants have emerged from the mildewy depths with a treaty.
To appease the triumvirate, the Dungeons & Dragons reboot shall happen under the watchful producer’s eyes of Hasbro’s Brian Goldner and Stephen Davis, Sweetpea Entertainment’s Courtney Solomon and Allan Zeman, and Roy Lee. With the powerful rights of retelling in hand, Warner Bros. have cast the Light of Green upon a script by Ser David Leslie Johnson, which is said to be based upon the Forgotten Realms storyline.