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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

What delicious dishes could Elon Musk’s upcoming Tesla drive-in serve us?

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Mmmm... Musk Burgers.
Mmmm... Musk Burgers.
Photo: TOBIAS SCHWARZ/AFP (Getty Images)

Elon Musk is quite the divisive man-child. For every person repeatedly warning of his narcissism-fueled, Department of Defense-funded, financially reckless, grift-laden antics, there appear to be at least a dozen online fanboys willing to go to bat for their self-ascribed “Dogefather” “Technoking.” But look, we might not all see eye-to-eye on the obviously anti-union, “skit”-bombing megalomaniac, but there’s gotta be at least one thing we can get behind, right? How about a good, old-fashioned drive-in restaurant? Those are fun and delicious…

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Okay now, let’s just hold on one goddamn minute here. Perhaps we’re too jaded here at The A.V .Club, but there’s no way in hell you can convince us that a ‘50s themed, Musk-owned fast food joint for the uber-wealthy could possibly be a good idea. “100 best movie clips,” as presumably determined by Musk himself? We’re pretty sure that even the most diehard SpaceX fan isn’t up for Reservoir Dogs’ “Stuck in the Middle with You” torture sequence played 100 times in a row.

But maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves. After all, Musk has been known to do an abrupt social media about-face from time to time. And that tweet was from back in April, so he’s probably already jettisoned the Tesla Take-Out idea.

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We just got indigestion from reading that headline.
We just got indigestion from reading that headline.
Screenshot: Bloomberg (Fair Use)

Good. Lord.

It’s… it’s really gonna happen, isn’t it? We’re gonna see Musk’s dream of an “old-school drive-in, roller skates & rock restaurant” by the end of next year, aren’t we? As Bloomberg and (unfortunately) many other reputable outlets have reported, recent filings show Musk and Tesla attempting to extend their logo trademarks into the “food industry.”

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“The diner-convenience store angle may be why Tesla has applied for a food-based trademark, which is not standard procedure for most restaurants,” explains Bloomberg. “Trademarks are generally set forth for brands planning to start a franchise or go national. It’s a move that indicates plans for big growth, says Steven Kamali, a hospitality investor.”

“Plans for big growth.” Sigh. Alright, everyone, break out the Tums and brace yourselves for all the Musk Burgers, Elon’s Electrifyin’ Nacho Platters, Mars Bar Pies, Tesla Tots, and Grimes Green Salads you can stomach. At least until the food code violations start rolling in…

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