The wait for Arrow is finally over. You wore your own homemade leather costume out at night, just in case. You struck up the nerve to ask out your local too-adorable-for-words tech expert. She said no, but you got points for trying. You saw Diggle at a gas station once and you froze. You tried to do the Salmon ladder, to disastrous results. Now that Arrow is back, the professionals are going to show all of us how it’s done. Maybe not the gas station thing, but you just need to know that it’s okay you missed your chance to interact with Diggle. It’s okay. (But seriously, how excited are you that Arrow is back? You’re probably not as excited as reviewer Alasdair Wilkins, who allegedly did all of the above, but you’re still “pretty excited,” right?)
Also noted
American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX, 10 p.m.): Unless you get really frightened by the lump sums of zero ghosts in Ghost Hunters, this will be the scariest season premiere of the night. Yes, American Horror Story is going back to trying to be scary, after seasons of crygasms, aliens, and Stevie Nicks. Actually, when you put it like that, did American Horror Story ever try to be scary? Either way, Erik Adams has got us covered—rumor has it he’s got a Mary Cherry night light to protect him from Ryan Murphy’s frights.
Lost (1 p.m.): Myles McNutt has got some—WAAAAAAALLLTTTT!! Sorry. With “…And Found” and “Abandoned,” Lost flashbacks on Sun, Jin, and Shannon. Maybe they—WAAAAAAALLLLLTTT!! Sorry, again. That just keeps happening for some reason.
Elsewhere in TV Club
In an all new TV Club 10, Stephen Bowie takes a look at the Boris Karloff-hosted horror anthology, Thriller. Pulp never tasted so good. Over in Inventory, brave TV Clubbers strive to provide a definitive list of those characters who only say one thing, over and over again. Sadly, there is no character on TV who only says “There are now 16 seasons of Law & Order: SVU.” Not yet. To top it all off, Kate Kulzick has a pre-air review for Kingdom, a show in which Matt Lauria looks like this:
Kingdom wins today’s TV Club face-off.
What else is on?
The Mysteries Of Laura (NBC, 8 p.m.): “A political sex scandal erupts and Laura investigates the alleged mistress involved. However, problems with surveillance emerge, forcing detectives to enter the world of online gaming in order to zero in on a murderer.” Do you ever stop and think: “Wow. The Mysteries Of Laura is trying to do way too much.” A middle-aged woman couldn’t possibly be an online gamer, right? WRONG! Also, how do you get from a sex scandal to online gaming? That right there is the true mystery of The Mysteries of Laura.
Ghost Hunters (Syfy, 9 p.m.):Ghost Hunters returns for its tenth season, somehow not of the opinion that it peaked back when WWE decided its “ECW” Superstars needed to make ghost appearances:
Legends (TNT, 9 p.m.): The Legends two hour season finale signifies something very important—Legends is still on. So in case you forgot it was still a show, or even if you’ve been watching the whole time, there is the option of watching the season finale. Do it for the Beanster. Wow, that is not a good nickname.
Top Chef: Duels (Bravo, 10 p.m.): There will be no more duels between the top chefs. At least, not any sanctioned duels. Yes, it is the first season finale of Top Chef: Duels.
Green Lantern (FXX, 5 p.m.): If you’re in the market for what could probably be considered the polar opposite of a successful green live-action superhero project, FXX would like to show you that Green Lantern movie still exists. It’s just there, serving as a reminder that a Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool feature film has yet to hit the big screen and Blake Lively has played Carol Ferris, as Blake Lively is wont to do. You know, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are married and expecting child now. So thanks for that, Green Lantern.
School Of Rock (Sundance, 7:30 p.m.): Is School Of Rock Jack Black’s best movie? Let’s really think about this for a moment. Also, TV Guide’s synopsis writer strikes again: “Refreshing, screwball comedy never takes itself too seriously. Written by Mike White, who costars as Black’s buddy.”
NHL Hockey: Flyers At Bruins (NBC Sports, 7:30 p.m.): The U.S. season opener features the Philadelphia Flyers facing off against the Boston Bruins. TV Guide, ever the opinionated guide for television, looks to be pulling for Bruins.
In case you missed it
The Flash: If you missed watching The Flash’s pilot last night, The CW’s got you covered with an encore presentation right after Arrow. Scott Von Doviak also wrote a review of the pilot and will be covering the series this season. It might be difficult, but try not to suffer from a geek sensory overload.
