Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

What The Next Next Karate Kid Will Be Like

What The Karate Kid remake (aka The Next Next Karate Kid) will be like, according to Variety:

1. It will be true to the original—except instead of the story of a teenage outsider who finds his own strength through karate, it will be the story of the world's coolest ten-year-old who becomes even more cool through his awesome karate skillz:

Columbia Pictures is back in the dojo with a new version of the 1984 hit "The Karate Kid," which has been refashioned as a star vehicle for Jaden Smith.

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Hopefully, Peter Cetera is already working on a song for the soundtrack called, "Glory Of Love 2009 (Star Vehicle)." Sample lyrics: "I am a kid/ yes a kid/ who knows karate"

2. Mostly, though it will be an opportunity for Jaden Smith to expand his acting range from "Will Smith's Son" to "The Next Next Karate Kid Because He's Will Smith's Son."

The film will be produced by Jerry Weintraub (who launched the original franchise) and Overbrook Entertainment's James Lassiter, Will Smith and Ken Stovitz. Will Smith, who is the 10-year-old actor's father, co-starred alongside Jaden in his feature debut, "The Pursuit of Happyness."

3. The movie will delve deeply into karate's roots by shooting in China, and a bunch of other cool Asian-y places that will make killer backdrops for the "Jaden perfects 'the crane' while wearing sunglasses" montage:

The script is being written by Chris Murphy, and the film will shoot next year in Beijing and other cities. While the new film will be set in that exotic locale, it will borrow elements of the original plot, wherein a bullied youth learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor.

4. Above all, though, it will be a father's thoughtful, and wildly indulgent gift to his son: Jaden loves karate, so why not produce a Karate Kid remake as a star vehicle for him? It's kind of like sending him to a summer camp (but filming it, packaging him as a child star, and selling it as entertainment to an indifferent public).

The younger Smith, who next stars in "The Day the Earth Stood Still," is a martial arts practitioner.


In fact, instead of calling it a Karate Kid remake, why not call it what it is: Will Smith's son doing the crane in exotic locales, or Jaden Smith is spoiled.