During last night's Top Chef fake finale, Bravo had a text-message poll to answer the question, "Which Top Chef should pack their knives and go?" aka "Who do you hate the most?" Casey, Hung, Brian, or Dale.
If I were dumb enough to text message answers to questions posed by a cable network, I would have answered Dale–partly because he resembles a cartoon dinosaur, but mostly because he's alternately annoying ("I've slept with a few cowboys!" Oooh…you're like the gay basic cable Mae West, Dale!) and boring (Has he ever not made a tart?). The people who were dumb enough to text answer Bravo's question, however, chose Hung by an overwhelming margin. Brian was the second most hated, followed by Dale, and then Casey.
Now, granted, the respondents to this poll are dumb, but what the hell? Did everyone who voted miss the episode where Hung made a Smurf village out of crushed cereal? What about his hilarious tantrums? Or his unshakable confidence? Or the way he finishes early and doesn't help the others because he's a great competitor? If it wasn't for Hung, this season would have devolved into a bland, boring summer cooking friendship camp as soon as Howie (and his sweat) left.
What kind of a person finds Dale (or Brian "duh" Malarkey) more palatable or deserving than Hung? I've devised a guide to help find out.
What Your Top Chef Favorite Reveals About You:
If your favorite is Casey:
You were either in a sorority at some point, or very close to rushing. You use the word "soul" a lot, and probably own more than a few throw pillows with cutesy sayings ("Life is measured in shoes!"), or hilarious affirmations ("The Queen Of Mean"). You idolize Jennifer Aniston. If none of the above is true, you are from Texas.
If your favorite is Dale:
You think Will & Grace was hysterical, especially Megan Mulally. You consider yourself edgy, and may even use the word "edgy" in conversation, even though the "edgiest" thing you've ever done was get a nose ring, or wear a grafitti-print t-shirt. You enjoy savory tarts, and think they can be incorporated into every meal. You have a separate shelf in your bathroom for all of your hair-care products.
If your favorite is Brian:
You don't exist. Sorry, no one's favorite is Brian.
If your favorite is Hung:
You're smart, kind of selfish, and don't hug people who aren't your friends. You realize that Top Chef is a competition, and you wouldn't help people if you finished early, either. In fact, you would probably walk around the kitchen, reminding all the other chefs who are still working that their time is running out. Why? Because that's funny (and fun to watch at home). Also, you really enjoy fried skin of all varieties.