So many factors influence the naming of a band—musical style, location, attitude, goals, personalities, desperate need to stick out/sound deep—that it's no wonder The A.V. Club finds an endless bounty of funny, stupid, and confusing names every year for our annual band-names list. After all, someone out there right this very moment is forming a band and wondering what to call it, just like someone seriously thought A Hero Named Hope was a good idea. Each year, we receive thousands of albums, press releases, and show listings for venues around the country, and each year, we assemble a list of the notable names we encountered along the way. A reminder before we get started: This list isn't meant to compile the worst names of all time or assess the quality of the band's music. For all we know, Put Down The Muffin is the next Radiohead. We just think the name is funny.
GENIUS • Ska Skank Redemption
The website says the members' hearts are full of funny stories, video games, and "a certain love for the sea." (?) • Fuckface Unstoppable
Continuing the theme, this Chicago band lists "tasty waves, gnarly jams, curmudgeonly old sea captains" as influences.
• Watchout! Theres Ghosts "this music thing used to be a crush,now i'm ready to marry the bitch on the bloodiest of beaches in the most haunted chapels." • Wakey!Wakey! Featuring one of the dudes from One Tree Hill! OMG!
WINNER, MOST OVERWROUGHT ACRONYM • PUBLIC OFFENDERS It stands for Poverty United Building Love in Inner Cities Our Future For Every Nation Does Effect Reality Situations. They also win for Least Legible MySpace Page.
FUNK BANDS WILL NEVER GET IT • 4OneFunktion
Not a funk band, but that's no excuse.
• The Funk Box • Phat Phunktion • Funkagenda • Libido Funk Circus
"By popular demand, Libido Funk Circus frequently performs both 70's and 80's theme nights; complete with authentic costuming and music from each era. Perfect for theme parties, class reunions and more!"
BITCH WHORE SLUT ETC. • The Whore Moans
Two bands claim this name: one from Seattle, the other from Toronto. • Womb Ripper
"NEVER FORGET THAT CHUCKY CHEESE IS A FUCKING RAT," proclaims its MySpace page. • The Sons Of Many Bitches • Prostitute Disfigurement
Sample song titles: "Torn In Bloated Form," "Carnal Rapture," "Freaking On The Mutilated" • Bier Slüt
Album: Fuck The Superdome • The Angel Sluts
• Bitches With Instruments
THE ALWAYS POPULAR VAG • Vagivore
Here's "Premature Decapitation":
NIPPLES THAT ARE STIFF • Hard Nips
The "nip" in this case is short for "Nippon," a.k.a. Japan. It's a quartet of Japanese ladies that sounds like "sex, sushi & rocknroll shat out of your butt."
• Nipples Erectis
HIPPIE-SOUNDING • organicArma
"Connecting dual pairs conscience & consciousness; subconscious & the Unknown is our influence." Um, okay. • Groovitational Pull • Shoeless Revolution
"Although it may be slightly confusing trying to keep your favorite local bands straight, The Shoeless Revolution is fairly easy to identify." Really, how? Its bio doesn't say. • The Book Of Right On
Influences: "Puppy kisses and unicorn sneezes. The Man. Safe drugs/bad sex. Tight footwear. Living in a nation that made macaroni and cheese EASIER to make." • Weapons Of Mass Creation
"Matt Festle and I, (Nick Morlock) met in Guitar class. While getting an easy A, we thought correspondingly on many of the same subjects, for instance, the seriousness of how fucked up the world is right now."
??? Put Down The Muffin If you think PDTM isn't the kind of band that has a logo, you're wrong:
• Sweet Tooth Meat Tooth
• German Beef Initiative "The zombie walkers and vacuum assholes abounding, the German Beef Initiative stuck to their cause even while the New England occupation of Texas seemed complete with facist commandant marching down Congress Street, vibrator lodged in ass screaming, 'Limits to freedom!'" • Pianos Becomes The Teeth
• Eternal Search For Math
• There’s Still Time Grey Timberwolf
• Feed God Cabbage
STOP WITH THE Zs ALREADY • Jabbawockeez
• MIDIval Punditz
• Moistboyz "The Moistboyz are sick and tired of bullshit and candy-coated VH1 girl-rock. They will not appear in panties or women's clothes. The Moistboyz are not spokesmen of the oppressed. They care nothing for causes, marches, or human rights, because 'human rights' are only the communist watering-down of FREEDOM." • Baaad Boiz
FOREVER DAMNED TO SAY “IT’S A PALINDROME!” • TacocaT
WILL NEVER BE SPELLED CORRECTLY BY PROMOTERS • W (aa) Ou W
