Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

American Idol: The Top 8 Boys Perform

Illustration for article titled American Idol: The Top 8 Boys Perform

Last week, some of you suggested that I give a go at evaluating each of the performances and grading them individually. I'm up for that idea, although I don't think I know each of the singers quite well enough yet to decide if they've achieved their best, but let's take a look on whether they deserve to make it to the top twelve.

Luke Menard: There was a bit of a scandal over sexual proclivities this week (see below), but who would have figured Luke would be the one to pick one of the gayest songs by one of the gayest '80's icons. I don't want to pick on the poor guy so I'll just leave it with the judges: "corny," from Randy, "girly" from Simon, who then proceeded to inform Luke he won't make it much further in this competition.

Will he make it to the next round? I'm inclined to agree with Simon on this one (big surprise)

David Archuleta: When I heard he was going to do Phil Collins, I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't choose "Against All Odds" which is a fine song but overdone on Idol. I don't think it was his best performance so far for sure—he missed a few notes, I thought he should have either stuck with or completely skipped the piano, and his explanation of why he chose "Another Day in Paradise" was a little Tyra Banks for me (in that I don't need to learn about homelessness from reality TV.) And, again, Simon is right—the kid should try a happy song. That said, he's still America's sweetheart.

Will he get voted off? NOOOOO, NEVER!!!!!!!!!!

Danny Noriega: Danny, Danny, Danny. You cute little red tomato. You certainly are TMTH or whatever it is you said. And that's what I like about you—you're like the anti David Archuleta—your obnoxiousness makes you adorable. But you can really sing, kiddo, so tone down the performance and pick a song that showcases your voice as much as it does you, okay? Good song choice, by the way, although I'm surprised you didn't blast some of those "Tainted Love" high notes.

Will he stay? "Mm-HM." I suppose I could see him not making the cut but to me he seems to be garnering the "Top Friend on Myspace" vote.

David Hernandez: So the hot Idol goss this week is that

http://www.tmz.com/2008/03/04/idol-wannabe-goes-topless-and-strips-too/">David Hernandez allegedly used to be a gay stripper. Is it terrible that I actually find him more compelling because of this? Before, I thought he was rather bland but he has been choosing better songs and now he's just more fun to watch now that we actually learned something interesting about him.

Will he stay? He should, although it's hard to say—he doesn't seem to have the following that some other other contestants have, yet.

Michael Johns: So far I'm not getting the hype. I thought the song choice wasn't a great one in terms of showing off his voice, and he didn't hit some of the notes, plus I thought his performance was a little corny (we get it, you'd be Judd Nelson.) By the way, Simple Minds was a Scottish band that did not feature Michael Hutchence: I don't know what Randy was talking about.

Will he stay? Yes, because he's good looking and has a cute accent and is really really shiny.

David Cook: Something about this guy rubs me the wrong way—perhaps it's his hair—but I have to admit that "Hello" was a good song choice and it was a good arrangement and that he did a good job. Good lookin' out, dawg.

Will he stay? Yes.

Jason Castro: Here I disagreed with Simon: I thought Jason's rendition of "Hallelujah" was definitely very nice and it was a good choice, but I didn't find it brilliant. I appreciated that he isn't an over the top belter but I feel like he needs to show some more range. Although, his easygoing ballad thing seems to be working for him so who am I to stay?

Will he get voted off? It would be dreadful if he did (see what I did there? Did you see the magic?)

Chikezie: Paula and Randy loved him tonight but once again, I have to agree with Simon that I didn't think he was great—he seemed out of tune early on in the song. Then again, Simon seems to have decided that he hates Chikezie.

Will he get axed? I think maybe he should but I have a feeling he won't.

As a big fan of '80's music I was overall not thrilled with the song choices but it actually turned out to be a pretty entertaining night, proving once again that thus far the girls can't hold a candle to the boys. Or can they? We'll see tomorrow night.

Grade: B+

Stray observations:

—I think Ryan really does like embarrassing li'l Davey A. up there but I don't hold it against him that he was thirsty and had to pee.

—I know you all think Danny Noriega looks like Jessica Alba but while he was telling me that he hoped Santa Claus would rape my mother, I thought he looked more like young Haley Mills. In case they ever do a Pollyanna remake…

—It was nice of Robot Denise Richards to stop by.