To go along with the midget cycle/season of ANTM, Tyra has chosen to give only the teeniest, tiniest bit of suspense about the winner (Bloody Eyeball). Obviously, we all know that Bloody Eyeball is the winner. After all, she's the only one of the girls who has a chance of becoming an actual high-fashion model, which usually isn't the goal of ANTM (incidentally the goal of ANTM is to sell Cover Girl Exact Lash Blash Supermax Prison Zing! Eyelights Eyeshadows, and to provide Tyra with enough fresh hair extensions to stuff her mattress), but because this is the midget cycle/season, and Tyra is trying to make a point about how midgets can be high-fashion models too (even though, obviously, they can't) she has to pick the tallest (5'7") and most high-fashion-capable of the midgets to win. This way, she can say, "I, Tyra Banks, really broke down a lot of barriers in the modeling world for 'petite' girls," even though Bloody Eyeball isn't really a petite model. She's just a slightly shorter model whose face and look are so exceptional, she'd have no problem getting work because of her height.
But I digress—or as frequently tweaked-out Wonkeye Jennifer would say it, BUT I DIGRESS HAHAHAHA. Tyra is giving us a teeny tiny bit of suspense to match the teeny tiny models by going through with a final two at all. She eliminated the final three episode, because what's the point? But Tyra hasn't crowned Bloody Eyeball Le Petit Top Model yet—which means we'll have at least one more week of Cornpone Laura's homespun, molasses-voiced, country-fried ramblins. Yee-haw!
From castratin' bulls to makin' it to the finale of the tiny people cycle of ANTM, Cornpone Laura has come a long way! Such a long way in fact that now she's revising her (already clearly perfect) catchphrase. Tonight she drawled, "Seems like not that long ago I was castratin' bulls and cuttin' hay. Now I'm in the final four on America's Next Top Model." What is this "cuttin' hay" bullshit? Don't improvise the line, Laura, just do it as written, please. Why would you try to gild the castratin' bulls lily? Or to put it in Cornpone terms, why would you try to bedazzle a perfectly good Gramma Wanda Sue Original? It's got all the sparkle it needs!
So, from castratin' bulls and nothing else to learning hula hip-hop on a Hawaiian beach, Laura really has come so far. Obviously, the other girls also learned how to hula hip-hop, which I guess we're pretending is an actual thing and not some rejected idea for a fusion fitness class at Crunch. Sure, Tyra. The alleged real point of the hula hip-hop teach was to have the girls "tell a story with their bodies" because that's the key to modeling. That, and looking really, really tall if it's what the client wants (and that's what all the clients want, except for Ann Taylor Petites and various boat shows), right, Tyra?