God bless the Fast And The Furious franchise, a beacon of nitrous-burning hope in a dark and frightening world. When the President of the United States is openly threatening the First Amendment, and all of Hollywood is wrestling with its willingness to turn a blind eye to decades of sexual abuse, these muscly car men have proven that they’ll always be there for us, providing much-needed distractions by getting into fights and feuds about the most trivial shit on the planet.
Take, for instance, the “beef” currently brewing between Tyrese Gibson and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, a Tokyo Drifting side-sequel to the glory that was Johnson and Vin Diesel’s CandyAssGate last year. Sadly, though, this particular tussle seems like a serving of pretty weak tea, one that’s been largely manufactured by Gibson alone, with no little to no participation from Johnson. The singer-turned-actor launched his latest attention-seeking salvo earlier today, posting a video to his Instagram account that shows Johnson ripping on his 2015 album Black Rose, finding many varied and poetic ways to call it “dogshit.”
Here’s the thing, though: According to TMZ, the video in question is actually two years old, and appears to have been intended as a joke. (Johnson has a pretty solid deadpan, though, so that part’s not entirely clear.) It’s just one more piece of evidence that this feud is a Tyrese solo project, not unlike the Rock-starring standalone Hobbs film that appears to have set Gibson off. For Johnson’s part, he’s yet to directly address the conflict we’ve now dubbed DogshitGate, because we’re all 9-year-old children, outside of a single video posted to his own Instagram. In it, he never mentions Gibson by name, instead doing some rough-looking exercises with a big-ass chain around his neck, before turning to the camera to declare “Big dogs eat, little puppies stay crying on the porch,” because—with apologies to Tyrese— nobody cuts a better Hollywood wrestling promo than The Rock.