Brands, they’re just like us, and Disney is the most down-to-Earth of them all. Like so many global corporate nation-states, the Walt Disney Company wants what everyday people want: A roof over every head and a glob of purple ketchup for every fry. Now the Mouse House is making sure its army of Disney Adults never has to settle for a house ketchup at its theme parks, cruise ships, or the next thrilling installment in the Star Wars saga. Per The Hollywood Reporter, Disney and Kraft Heinz have agreed to serve delicious Kraft Heinz products at Disney Parks. Described as a “wide-ranging brand deal unlike anything in recent memory,” the “strategic alliance” can only be compared to the Allied powers that knocked Nazi Germany on its ass, but for bringing Philadelphia Cream Cheese to Epcot and making sure that Kraft Mac & Cheese gets “prime placement” at the most magical places on Earth. More importantly, the deal will make it so much easier for Doctor Doom to pop open a box of Lunchables nachos instead of spending money on New York shawarma, which gets expensive.
The deal will allow Kraft Heinz and Disney to meet consumers where they are, namely Disney theme parks and cruises. According to Kraft Heinz CMO Todd Kaplan, the assembling of Disney’s “vast portfolio” and Kraft Heinz’s “100-year-old plus brands” creates a multinational Avengers that “allows us to show up in these mealtime moments that matter most to consumers when they’re having shared experiences.” Until now, those mealtime moments have been a battleground, with adults wearing Mickey ears unsure if the ketchup at the Blue Bayou or Oga’s Cantina is Heinz. (We have to assume that Club 33 always gets the good stuff.) “We’re gonna have storytelling-driven collaborations, media integrations, experiential activations inspired by all of Disney’s iconic franchises and major sporting events,” Kaplan continues. But it’s not about brand integration and further tightening the megacorporate stranglehold over the free market. It’s about family.
“Why we’re doing it is, Disney and Kraft Heinz share something really rare: For generations families have grown up with both of our companies and our brands, whether it’s watching your favorite Disney movie, whether it’s with Kraft Mac and Cheese, whether it’s reaching for Heinz at the dinner table, our brands are really woven into everyday family traditions,” says Kaplan of tomato-and-sugar based purees, mayo that’s not Hellman’s, and boxed cheese powered noodles. “We have these storied, iconic brands that have been around for many many years, and so the partnership is not about creating this artificial connection, it’s actually about building upon the memory structure that consumers already have of both of our brands, and bringing these moments to life in new ways.”
To kick off this heretofore unimaginable coming together of iconic brands, Kraft Heinz is coming to Disney’s fan convention, D23, where it will finally release some of the long-imprisoned products from the Heinz Vault. Could this mean the return of EZ Squirt Green Ketchup, Beanz Pizza, Ploughman’s Pickle, and the Ed Sheeran-branded “Edchup”? We’ll know by the screams of divine horror roaring from Anaheim, California, as Disney and Kraft Heinz open the Vault of the Covenant and melt the faces of D23 passholders on August 14, 15, and 16.
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