About two months ago, I called MTV's Video Music Awards the most visually unpleasant televised spectacle to sit down and watch, except maybe a how-to video about skin graft procedures. As it turns out, I spoke too soon, because last night MTV Europe banded together to put on something far, far worse: the Europe Music Awards.

Granted, I haven't seen the entirety of the 2008 EMAs, but no one should have to see the entirety of the 2008 EMAs. That terrible program should be reserved for use only in the psychological torture of certain high-risk detainees, or blasted from loudspeakers in tense stand-off situations. In short, it was clearly manufactured as a weapon, not as a form of entertainment no matter what MTV Europe says. You don't build a set that looks like the dark, vacuous inside of a radioactive garbage can, populate it with sensory pummeling tickers and lights, as well as brain-pummeling people like Katy Perry and Perez Hilton, and give ironic awards to Rick Astley just for fun. There is nothing fun about this:



So, the fact that Katy Perry is the host, that's a joke, right? An example of that dry British humor? It's either that or Europe is immune to Katy Perry's awfulness. And not only did she host the show, she also performed her one hit "Casual Homophobia Jack-In-The-Box Music" (aka "I Kissed A Girl"), while dressed like a football player and straddling a giant chapstick. Why? Long answer: She hoped to distract from her crazy eyes, generally worn-out song, and stubborn-frog-in-the-throat voice. Short answer: she's terrible.

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