The internet loves what it loves with a frightening intensity: cats, of course, and dogs, and other animals that are small and furry and prone to easily shareable quirks, but also celebrities who combine devastating good looks with the kind of effortless charm that inspires memorable videos and memes for days.
Jeff Goldblum, especially at this very specific moment in time, is the prime example of this. He engages with his most devoted fans; he is handsome; his very existence spawns GIFs and JPEGs like a severely pregnant salmon drops eggs. He is also, it goes without saying, the fulcrum for much of the internet’s oversexed id.
In a video tweeted out by the obliging folks at Buzzfeed, Goldblum is made to confront the drooling shadow attached to his presence. Sat in front of a pink screen, he reads out and reacts to some of the horniest tweets (that can be spoken aloud) Buzzfeed was able to dredge out from social media’s aching psychic loins.