Sandwiched between "How Eva Ended Up In Rehab" and "Us Investigates: 7 Nights In Hollywood" in this week's Us Weekly is a four-page feature called "Fashion Police: My Worst Outfits Ever! By Hillary Clinton."
In it, Clinton attempts to ape the inimitable voices of such talented regular Fashion Police writers as The Guy From Extreme Makeover: Wedding Edition, and That Woman With The Zany Headshot Who Was Once A Talking Head On E! Maybe? by coming up with sub-Leno one-liners about bad celebrity outfits that elicit just the right timbre of exasperated groans from readers.
As an exercise in self-deprecation, Clinton's Fashion Police feature is pretty good. But it doesn't stoop nearly low enough to pass the Us Weekly comedian hack test. Simply put: Hillary's quips just aren't punny or terrible enough for the pages of Us Weekly. But that can be remedied.
Nice try, Hillary. But the caption for this one should obviously be one of the following:
"Look! It's Hillary YUCK-ham Clinton!"
"Clearly a victim of a 'vast right-wing conspiracy' to look awful!"
"She's running for President Of The Hideous Coats Of America!"
"It Takes A Village—or the costumes from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat–to look this bad!"
"I hope her plan for Universal Health Care covers coat-induced nausea, cause this outfit is making me sick."
"Aw, Hill no!"