Sandwiched between "How Eva Ended Up In Rehab" and "Us Investigates: 7 Nights In Hollywood" in this week's Us Weekly is a four-page feature called "Fashion Police: My Worst Outfits Ever! By Hillary Clinton."

In it, Clinton attempts to ape the inimitable voices of such talented regular Fashion Police writers as The Guy From Extreme Makeover: Wedding Edition, and That Woman With The Zany Headshot Who Was Once A Talking Head On E! Maybe? by coming up with sub-Leno one-liners about bad celebrity outfits that elicit just the right timbre of exasperated groans from readers.

As an exercise in self-deprecation, Clinton's Fashion Police feature is pretty good. But it doesn't stoop nearly low enough to pass the Us Weekly comedian hack test. Simply put: Hillary's quips just aren't punny or terrible enough for the pages of Us Weekly. But that can be remedied.

For example:

Nice try, Hillary. But the caption for this one should obviously be one of the following:

"Look! It's Hillary YUCK-ham Clinton!"

"Clearly a victim of a 'vast right-wing conspiracy' to look awful!"

"She's running for President Of The Hideous Coats Of America!"

"It Takes A Village—or the costumes from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat–to look this bad!"

"Sena-terrible Clinton!"

"I hope her plan for Universal Health Care covers coat-induced nausea, cause this outfit is making me sick."

"Aw, Hill no!"