Imagining a parallel world where The Love Boat had even freakier guests

Over the course of nine seasons, four specials, and a staggering 249 episodes, not to mention that 1998 reboot with Robert Urich, ABC’s waterlogged romcom The Love Boat welcomed plenty of guest stars over the years, more than even Batman or Love, American Style dared dream. Everyone from Willie Aames to Adrian Zmed ascended the gangplank of the Pacific Princess. But even a show so overwhelmingly celebrity-crazed as to book Andy Warhol, the Harlem Globetrotters, and Shelley Winters didn’t have the time or foresight to book every notable in Hollywood. Enter Tumblr, which is here to remedy the situation. Specifically, since September 2015, Love Boat Insanity has been offering what its curator calls his “wish list of guest-stars for the ultimate adventure on The Love Boat.” Consisting solely of still images, the Tumblr is brilliantly simple, mimicking perfectly the first part of the vaunted Love Boat opening titles, as described in this 2007 Inventory. To wit:

There are three parts to the typical Love Boat credits sequence. First, the introduction of the guest stars, all smiling and glamorous in their little circles. Then, the dynamic shots of a cruise ship cutting through the waves. Lastly, the relatively bland introduction of the cast.

Most Popular

• Danny Boyle briefly touches on 28 Years Later's zombie dick-scourse
• At last, And Just Like That… introduces us to Aidan's messed-up family
• 28 Years Later’s alpha zombie was legally required to wear a prosthetic penis

At Love Boat Insanity, then, one will find portraits of odd and offbeat guest stars, each framed in those unforgettable, heart-bedecked portholes. These are the celebs who, for whatever reason, never got to hobnob with Gavin MacLeod and Fred Grandy. Like Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! tough gal Tura Satana:

Or would-be presidential assassin Squeaky Fromme:

There is even room for fictional characters, like Tim Curry’s unforgettable Pennywise The Clown, who really could have brought some excitement to those shuffleboard games:

The Tumblr is specially recommended to fans of director John Waters, as several characters from his films show up there. The imaginary cruise ship also welcomes Idi Amin, Charles Manson, Bettie Page, Rob Zombie, and the mother and daughter from The Exorcist, among many others. Hopefully, they’re not all booked the same week. In all, this version of The Love Boat is, to paraphrase the theme song, something truly “exciting and new.”