Listen: Don’t give your cats weed. Evidence suggests that it’s not good for them and, even if it were, it’s shitty to get an animal high because you mistakenly think it’s fun for them. With this in mind, we present to you the story of a real feline Keith Richards, detailed in a Twitter thread from Carmine Deville, that sneakily ate a whole weed cookie, got dangerously stoned, and managed to live to tell the tale.
Deville makes clear that this was neither on purpose or an ideal situation. One of her cats, who thankfully pulled through the experience unharmed, was left for about a minute with a thawing weed cookie, wrapped in “paper ... and three plastic freezer bags” on top of a fridge. (Still, Deville blames herself for not being more careful with unattended food around a pair of pets described as “garbage monsters.”) Somehow, despite these obstacles, they were able to “swipe the cookie off the fridge, chew through all three freezer bags and the paper, and snarf the entire cookie, leaving just the chocolate chips on the rug.”
After panicking and trying unsuccessfully to make the cats vomit up their ill-gotten score, Deville saw one of them—Carmilla—becoming noticeably stoned.
What followed looks, from the photos posted afterward, to be a very bad trip. Deville describes the numbskull cat falling into a deep contemplation of her paws and tail, a mysterious voyage to the wonders of the bathroom, and retreat to the underside of an armchair. “Four hours of anxious babysitting later,” Carmilla sobered up, had something to eat, then went to sleep.
Deville writes that “there’s no moral to the story,” saying that the whole thing was “horrible and the only way I can deal is to joke about it on the internet.”
While there may be no real moral to Carmilla’s journey of the mind, her travelogue is a good PSA that reminds us not to get cats high. Or, even knowing that already, never to leave a pet alone with edibles for even a single minute because the idiots will still try to eat anything that seems even slightly interesting. When asked for comment about her experience, Carmilla apparently had little to say, too busy cleaning her butthole to consider a new career speaking at high school assemblies in an attempt to scare other cats straight.
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