January 16, 2007
While visiting my
family for the holidays, my 72-year-old father informed me that a 29-year-old
Russian woman was coming to America to be with him. He could hardly contain his
excitement. Dad didn't want me to tell my brother and sister, because he knew
they would be critical of him being with a 29-year-old Russian virgin. He's
correct. They would
judge him. But I couldn't care less who he fucks.
I did ask if he had
sent this woman any money. He insisted that he had not. Over the next couple
days, I got my father to confess to sending this woman more than $3,000 (he
won't give me the real number). A few days later, he went to the airport to
meet his lovely Russian girlfriend. Obviously, no Russian woman got off the
plane.
I have since had some
conversations with my dad about the likelihood that a legitimate 29-year-old
woman—or even a 50-year-old woman—would want to be with a
72-year-old man in bad health. There is nothing exceptional about him. He is
overweight, basically lives on Social Security with enough left in retirement
savings for some luxury in life, has no special talents that would make a much
younger woman attracted to him, i.e., he is not Jack Nicholson, etc. I
encouraged him to think about more age-appropriate partners and did some
Internet searches for him on legit dating websites. He's not interested in
anyone close to his age. Those women are "old," he says.
Dad says he's lonely
without female companionship. I don't think this is about being lonely. He
works on occasion for my brother, goes out with family and friends. I think it
is about an old man who wants to recapture his youth by being with a younger
woman. Which is fine. But as his son, I feel obligated to protect what little
my father has. He has already been scammed once. We have always had a good
relationship. But he confides in me less now because I "lectured" him about his
Russian girlfriend and the age difference.
Should I help him with
the dream of finding a much younger woman? Or do I continue down the path of
convincing him to seek out women who, if not age-appropriate, at least have
similar life experiences?
No Fools Like Old Fools
If your dad admits to
sending this woman $3K, NFLOF, he probably sent her 10 times that. Explain to
your father that he can have a hot younger woman whenever he wants—by
renting one, an honest pro, a decent whore, someone who only wants to take him
for her reasonable, hourly rate. Yes, he'll be paying for it, but he'll be
paying a lot less and actually getting it. With a little effort, you and your
dad can find a kind, understanding pro, someone he can see regularly, and he
can establish a "relationship" of sorts, one that involves a little
companionship and affection, real or simulated, and not just sex.
It may not be legal, of
course, but it's the only way a man who isn't rich and famous—like Donald
Trump or Fred Thompson—can land a 29-year-old bride.
And finally, NFLOF, you
need to discuss what went down with your siblings and talk to your father's
doc, if he has one. If he's dangerously out of touch with reality—like
Donald Trump or Fred Thompson—you may need to step in and take over his
finances before his next mail-order bride takes him for all he's worth.
Here's what's up: My
wife and I were making love the other night, and after about 20 minutes of
great sex, she told me she was going to come. She went ahead and had a great
orgasm and then pretty much shut down. I was left lying on the bed with a huge
hard-on and the expectation that she would "help" me out a little bit. But
after a few minutes, it became apparent she had no intention of doing anything
but going to sleep. We had a mini-fight about it later. She felt that since on
other (rare) occasions I have had an orgasm and she hasn't, it was okay to
leave me the way she did. What gives? I have a case, don't I?
Incidentally, for some
reason, after 10 minutes of this bickering, we were both still turned on and we
ended up having sex again—and this time we BOTH got off!
Loaded Question
So long as you've offered to get the wife off on
those occasions when you've come first—and made the offer with a smiling,
upbeat, only-too-happy-to-do-it tone in your voice, LQ, and followed
through—she is obligated to do the same. If, however, you've rolled over
and passed out on those occasions when you've come first, she is under no obligation
to treat your ass with any more consideration.
I have been dating my girlfriend for six months
and we are passionate about each other, making love at least twice a day. We're
very much in love. My girlfriend's best friend is a gay male whom she dated in
high school before he came out. I asked my girlfriend about taking a vacation
together this year, and she told me that she can't, because she's going to
Italy for two weeks with her gay ex. Is this screwed up, or am I freaking out
about nothing? I mean, she is going away for two weeks with her ex-boyfriend
who now just happens to be gay?!
Jealously Justified
At six months, JJ, you
don't have the seniority to make demands on your girlfriend where travel
companions are concerned. And he's GAY, you idiot. They dated in HIGH SCHOOL.
He is, for all intents and purposes, her GIRLFRIEND now—he probably
always was.
Seeing as he's just a friend, JJ, why shouldn't she travel with him? What are
you afraid of? That he's going to streak her hair over there?
If you can't be chill
about this, you're going to sabotage this relationship. You haven't been dating
that long, so she either made these plans before you met or before you two
became serious. At a year and six months—maybe—you would have a
right to be aggrieved if she was running off for two weeks with a friend,
preventing you two from getting away together. But at this point, any bitching
from you is going to raise red flags. If you're smart—and the jury's
out—you'll say, "Gee, I wish I was going with you—I can't wait
until we can travel together and fuck our way across Europe." And, if you must,
you can add, "I know it's COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL, but I'm feeling a little
jealous and threatened. Tell me again how COMPLETELY and THOROUGHLY and
SCREAMINGLY gay your ex is, please." Say that with a smile so she'll laugh,
then you fake a laugh, and then take them BOTH out to dinner, give them a
travel guide, and tell 'em you hope they have fun over there.
And who knows? If you play
your cards right, JJ, you might get invited along. But if you act like a
jealous, irrational douchebag, you're definitely going to get your ass dumped.
Readers respond to my advice for LIMP—the
guy who can't stop stressing over the size of his dick—at avclub.com/savage/limp.
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