Jose Canseco, baseball scientist, says we can uncover the mysteries of time travel if we listen to aliens
Noted astrophysicist and xenobiologist Jose Canseco has a world-shattering announcement to make: he’s figured out the secret to time travel. How he came to this discovery is still unclear, but that’s not important. What we need to focus on now is the scientific breakthrough outlined on the baseball player’s Twitter account.
First, some table setting.
Pick your jaw up off the floor, forget how Canseco discovered the beings of AI51 and their “very flexible body composition,” and get ready for the next message.
“Without the body?” you may ask. No worries. Canseco knows the way around this daunting obstacle.
Altering “our body composition” to withstand the “42, 651 pounds of pressure” put on our skeletons by time travel may seem difficult. But, we must try. Only when we free our brains from our useless bodies will our AI51 pals teach us how to fly backward through the chrono-vortex and, at long last, fulfill our collective goal of taming and riding dinosaurs.