July 25, 2012

I am a hetero female, but one of my biggest fantasies is for a guy to dress up in women’s underwear. Not full-blown drag, just a teddy, fishnets, and some heels. He doesn’t even have to act like a woman. I just want him to parade around a bit, and just for me. I’ve had the ovaries to bring this up only twice to men I’ve been with. My first boyfriend was game, but I was so insecure with my sexuality at the time that I let it go. My second boyfriend found it degrading and wouldn’t do it. I think there are two things holding me back: 1) I’ve never even heard of this fantasy, and that makes me feel like a creep. Is there a name for it? 2) I know the first time, I will giggle with joy, and I’m afraid that will be a big buzzkill if my hypothetical future boyfriend thinks I’m laughing at him.
Lingerie Without A Man

1. There isn’t a name for this fantasy, LWAM, so let’s come up with one. How about “Frank-N-Furter-Ing,” for Dr. Frank-N-Furter, a noted research scientist who also enjoyed dressing straight boys up in fishnets, teddies, and heels? Your fantasy probably lacks a name because it isn’t that odd, or a whole lot to ask. And this fantasy makes you more sexually and romantically marketable than you seem to realize, LWAM. The world is full of men who aren’t gay, aren’t into drag, and aren’t into full-blown crossdressing, but are turned on by the idea of wearing the girlfriend’s panties and/or a little lingerie. A lot of these men are with women who barely tolerate their kinks. The single ones, on the other hand, are out there looking for a girlfriend who is turned on by the thought of a guy in panties, teddies, fishnets, and heels. Post a few explicit personal ads on online dating sites—kinkster and normster—and I promise you’ll be flooded with responses from guys who want to put on a show for you.

2. It is permissible to giggle during sex. If you’re worried that your partner might think you’re laughing at him, qualify your giggles in advance. Explain that you’re prone to joyous laughter when you’re turned on, and you might get a little giddy during his performance. Emphasize that your giggles are evidence of arousal, not disgust or contempt. Then prove it by fucking the shit out of him.

3. Have you checked out xdress.com? Think of it as your own personal porn stash before you find a boyfriend, and your favorite online shopping destination after.

He is completely resistant. It is ironic that the pill protects me from pregnancy if I have sex, but we’re having less sex due to the weight gain, bloating, bleeding, no sex drive, and other side effects. My doctor does not think other options for birth control (e.g., an intrauterine device) will be a good fit for me. Should I continue on the pill, or tell my husband that if he wants sex, he has to share responsibility in avoiding pregnancy?
Tired Of Pills

Shared responsibility.

And you can keep having sex without pills, condoms, or pregnancies. There’s oral (his-and-hers), anal (ditto), and mutual masturbation (underrated). But if it’s vaginal intercourse he wants, then he’ll have to get used to condoms. Some women can’t take hormonal birth control, and your husband is married to one.