Earlier today, The Republic Of Kanye West formally declared an unconditional surrender to the totally chill vibes of the Beck Empire, putting an end to hostilities that have ravaged the music industry for the last two weeks. As per the terms of the surrender, Kanye West has ceded control of his military to the great Beck Empire and its seemingly unstoppable collection of hats. As of press time, revelers have already begun flooding the streets to celebrate the war’s end, with Beck Hats as far as the eye can see and countless Beck supporters strumming totally chill versions of “Where It’s At” and “Loser” on their ukuleles or whatever.
West signed the peace treaty on Twitter today with a simple message that will, nonetheless, echo throughout history: “I would like to publicly apologize to Beck, I’m sorry Beck.” West didn’t stop there, though, as he also chose to take his moment of global humility and use it to make peace with Bruno Mars as well. Apparently, West was also feuding with him, though we’re not sure anyone knew/cared. “I also want to publicly apologize to Bruno Mars,” West tweeted, adding, “I used to hate on him but I really respect what he does as an artist.” In fact, West has even suggested forming a new alliance with Bruno Mars, so that he may sing the hook on a new song.
I would like to publicly apologize to Beck, I’m sorry Beck.
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) February 26, 2015
I also want to publicly apologize to Bruno Mars, I used to hate on him but I really respect what he does as an artist.
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) February 26, 2015
As everyone knows by now, this protracted campaign all began on Sunday, February 8—Grammy night—when West stormed the stage during Beck’s acceptance speech for the Album Of The Year award. It was a brutal and vicious attack that claimed countless lives (by slightly annoying them to death), leaving Beck speechless—literally, because his speech got interrupted (rimshot). Beck responded earlier this week with a stereotypically Beck-ish “It’s cool, man. No worries,” and, evidently, it was that show of force that convinced West to end his ill-conceived crusade.
But now, finally, the world is at peace.