In the criminal justice system… You know the rest. So instead of that whole schtick, the latest Inventory focuses on how original recipe Law & Order took on 20 years of U.S. history during its run. Law & Order: 1. Public school: 0.
Big Brother (CBS, 8 p.m.): Another week of Big Brother, another… week of Big Brother. “The Power of Veto competition is held.” You see, we want to talk about Big Brother, but the episode descriptions don’t really give us much to go on.
America’s Next Top Model (The CW, 8 p.m.): In “The Girl Who Gets Possessed”— Um, America’s Next Top Model is on a different plane of existence right now. We really appreciate that.
MasterChef (Fox, 8 p.m): “Think Inside The Box,” says MasterChef, still barely trying with its titles. Luckily, MasterChef press releases are still being considerate. “The competition is no cakewalk on an all-new MasterChef.” Cue the Chocolate Malted Layer Cake challenge for the losing pair’s pressure test. That’s how it’s done!
America’s Got Talent (NBC, 8 p.m.): The top 10 finalists will be revealed tonight, and viewers will have one last chance to use the “Dunkin’ Instant Save” (this is real) to save their favorite act. America’s almost definitely got talent, you guys! Must be from all that running on Dunkin’.
Kevin From Work (ABC Family, 8:30 p.m.): Kevin is not in the mood to celebrate his birthday, especially when Julia (Amy Sedaris) leaves him and his work crush Audrey in charge of the office for the day. Of course, his sister Roxie and best friend Brian decide to throw Kevin a party he doesn’t want, so maybe Kevin should just change his identity—complete with a new birth date—and move on in life. Kevin From The Drifter Lifestyle is catchy-ish.
Thrill Factor (Travel Channel, 8:30 p.m.): Like all the cool shows, Thrill Factor, aka Nope: The Series, ends its first season with two episodes. First there’s “Air Heads,” where “Kari & Tory climb aboard specially outfitted acrobatic aircrafts to test how intense g force conditions affect a person’s body and mind.” Nope. Then, there’s the season finale “Bobsledding Shredding,” where “Tory and Kari assess how a bobsled ride compares to traditional thrill rides, like a roller coaster.” That actually sounds alright, but it’s probably a trap. So, nope.
Extant (CBS, 9 p.m.): It seems like only yesterday Extant season two started, but now here we are at the two-hour season finale (two episodes, “Double Vision” and “The Greater Good”). How does the season end? “Molly and JD frantically race to the hybrids to stop a Humanich plot that will destroy the human race.” You could even say that the human race would become extinct. Extant!
Hollywood Divas (TV One, 9 p.m.): Hollywood Divas is actually over for the season, but it’s not really “over”: It’s reunion o’clock. Part one of the reunion (there’s always multiple parts—they are divas, after all) is tonight.
Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles returned last week for its eighth season premiere, so this week, it’s in a completely new time slot. We guess it doesn’t matter when you have millions of dollars, as we assume everyone who watches a Million Dollar Listing does.
Last Comic Standing (NBC, 10 p.m.): The ninth season finale of Last Comic Standing is appropriately titled “The Finale.” We’re proud of Last Comic Standing for keeping it short and simple, so we won’t make a dumb joke this time around.
Suddenly Royal (TLC, 10 p.m.): With the Suddenly Royal series premiere, that one person you know (probably you) has yet another reason to ask “Isn’t TLC supposed to be ‘The Learning Channel’?” The episode, “Are We Heir Yet?,” sets the stage: “When blue collar, All-American auto repair advisor David Drew Howe decided to research his ancestry online, he never imagined that the shocking results would catapult him and his family into the most elite social circles overnight, in one word – ROYALTY.” Yep.
The Jim Gaffigan Show (TV Land, 10 p.m.): This week’s episode of The Jim Gaffigan Show, “The Bible Story,” was the preview episode of the series. That sounds about right—religion is often the best way to break the ice, even in entertainment.
Born Again Virgin (TV One, 10 p.m.): We’ve mostly ignored TV One’s Born Again Virgin in these What’s On Tonights, because we’ve been honestly debating whether or not it’s a real show. Seven episodes in and even with a second season renewal, the jury’s still out on that one. But to those who believe it to be real, here’s what’s happening tonight: “Jenna’s writer’s block, Tara’s waxing dilemma and a mishap put Kelly’s plans for a fight party in jeopardy.” Tara’s Waxing Dilemma. Tara’s. Waxing. Dilemma. Not real. Not real at all.
Lachey’s Bar (A&E, 10:30 p.m.): “When Nick and Drew get an offer to host a weekly radio show at the bar, it prompts Nick to consider relocating his family to be in Cincinnati full time.” But what about Vanessa Lachey? Does she get a say in this? Or is this a completely low stakes problem for the first season finale of Lachey’s Bar? Tune in to find out!
Impastor (TV Land, 10:30 p.m.): This week’s Impastor features an “unexpected delivery [that] threatens to expose Buddy as a fraud.” Tune in next week when another unexpected plot device threatens to expose Buddy as a fraud. Question: Is Impastor just Suits with a pastor instead of lawyers?
The Exes (TV Land, 11 p.m.): The Exes is also on tonight.
Young Frankenstein (Cinemax West, 8 p.m.): You deserve a little laughter in your life. Watch some Young Frankenstein.
Die Hard (Starz, 6:45 p.m.): You deserve a little action in your life. Watch some Die Hard.
Sports, sports, all type of sports
U.S. Open Tennis: Quarterfinals (ESPN, 11 a.m.)
MLB Baseball: Mets at Nationals (ESPN, 7 p.m.)
U.S. Open Tennis: Quarterfinals (ESPN2, 8 p.m.)
MLB Baseball: Brewers at Marlins (FSN, 7 p.m.)
WWE NXT (WWE Network, 8 p.m.)
Impact Wrestling (Destination America, 9 p.m.)
Ring Of Honor (Destination America, 11 p.m.)
In case you missed it
Playing House: Don’t forget to celebrate the season finale of Playing House—and just the general concept of lady friendship—with Molly Eichel!