Make businesses close for long enough in the face of a global pandemic and they’ll eventually start coming up with all sorts of ridiculous ways to open again. Last week, we covered the chef who’s decided to fill his restaurant with spooky old mannequin diners. This week, in an apparent effort to up the ante on the absurdity of the current moment, a bar in Ocean City, Maryland has decided to go further, asking customers to wear giant inflatable “tables” around their waists during their visit.
According to a Fox 5 report, Fish Tales Bar & Grill asked a manufacturer called Revolution Event to create a bunch of “giant inflatable inner tubes on wheels” in order to make absolutely sure that none of its guests are able to get too close to each other. While this is a welcome display of caution and concern for public health, we can both commend Fish Tales and marvel at how unbelievably stupid the whole thing looks in practice. A video shot by John Middlebrook and reposted by Fox 5 shows visitors walking into the bar by guiding their table/exoskeletons down a patio, wheels rattling as they go. No matter their age or stature, each person automatically becomes a little baby in one of those Fisher-Price activity centers, drinks in adult hands automatically turning into plastic bowls of Cheerios held by stubby little sausage fingers in our mind’s eye.
Even if video of this bizarre march of the toddlers makes us laugh now, we should remember that some of the world’s greatest inventions must’ve seemed pretty silly when they were first unveiled, too. In a few years time, it could be that we’re all just used to these contraptions. Maybe we’ll take it for granted that every trip to a restaurant, bar, or the world’s most exclusive nightclubs involves getting dressed up not just in our best clothes, but also some big dumb social distancing inner tubes.
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