May 14, 2008
I'm
a 31-year-old man and my girlfriend is 28. We've been in a monogamous
relationship for four years. Recently, we've been doing the long-distance
thing, and we're going to be doing it for a while until I can move from Canada
to the United States. This is our problem: She brought up the idea of an open
relationship until I get down there. I said okay—trying to be GGG—and
24 hours later, called her back and reneged.
Dan,
I can't stand the idea of another guy with her. I can't. I trust her, and as
much as anyone in this situation can say this, I believe that she would only be
after the sex if she slept with another guy—but the idea of another guy
doing anything to her drives me nuts. I've read that open relationships just
don't work for some people. But I also believe in being able to improve
yourself. Is my jealousy a negative trait that I can get over?
Help
me be modern!
Confused
In Canada
Help
you be modern, CIC? But there's nothing pre-modern about your feelings, no area
where you require "improvement," nothing you need to get over.
Look,
kiddo, there's a difference between being a jealous asshole and being a
self-aware sex partner. Asking your girlfriend to remain monogamous until you
get your ass down to the U.S.? That's just stating a sexual preference, if I
may repurpose that phrase. A sincere desire to be your girlfriend's one and
only sex partner should not be confused with something as base as jealousy.
Jealousy is not trusting your girlfriend when she's out of your sight; it's
flipping out when other men notice her; it's making furious and baseless
accusations of cheating. Jealousy is controlling/manipulative/abusive behavior
masquerading as insecurity. Jealousy is a poison. And you're not jealous, just
monogamous.
Open
relationships are great—ahem—but
they're not for everyone. Some folks aren't built to share a sex partner, don't
want to share, and consequently shouldn't share. We're talking sex partners
here, CIC, not large pizzas or pot stashes—a reluctance to share is not
evidence of a character flaw. It's an alternate lifestyle choice, CIC, one that
I don't fully understand, but do fully support.
My
boyfriend has recently confessed an interest in gaining weight and has asked me
to explore this kink with him. He wants me to feed him during sex, and
generally encourage him to gain weight. I love the man too much to care if he
gains a little weight, but I don't think he's interested in gaining just a
little. As much as I would love to indulge his kink, I also don't want him to
bite the dust at age 40 from some obesity-related disease. Before I turn down
his request, I wanted to ask you if you might have any ideas as to how this
kink could be played out in a way that keeps us both happy and healthy. Thanks.
Don't
Want To Kill Husband Material