Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

McCain Believes In The Secret

By far the best part about tonight's presidential debate was the moment when, about mid-way through explaining how he slayed the ferocious, fire-breathing dragon that had captured our economy, John McCain was interrupted by a great ripping noise, like a million velcro strips being pulled apart at once. Standing at his podium, McCain turned his head towards the ceiling just in time to see a great white gash form in the space above him. Just then, Future McCain appeared at the mouth of the opening, the crown on the jar that contained his head gleaming. He looked out at the crowd and shouted: "America, it is I, John McCain, the winner of this debate, this election, and eventually, 40 years from now after I have died, been cryogenically frozen, then unfrozen, and the instigator of a bloody coup from which I emerged victorious, the first sovereign king of this, our fair nation. Come with me through this wormhole, and I will show you our bright future–Including talking heads in jars, which, honestly, I still find pretty cool even though I've been living as one for 60 years now."

Of course, we all followed him. But we somehow ended up in the past, a few hours before the debate, instead of in the future with all the talking heads in jars. Still, Future McCain is thinking of us. He put out an ad this morning to remind us all that it wasn't a dream, and that we know who won that debate because, duh, it already happened:

Image for article titled McCain Believes In The Secret

(via Wonkette)

Apparently, that ad appeared on the Wall Street Journal's website this morning, a number of hours before tonight's debate. It can only mean one of two things: 1. John McCain can time-travel, or 2. John McCain believes in The Secret–if he visualizes winning the debate hard enough (and putting out an ad that says you won a few hours before the debate even takes place is visualizing pretty hard) then he will win.

Or, you know, someone really messed up.