NASA launches world’s largest telescope to see who we can blame for all this

NASA, in collaboration with both the European and Canadian Space Agencies, successfully launched the James Webb Space Telescope on Christmas Day—the largest and most ambitious project of its kind, and one that aims to peer back in time to uncover the universe’s very first galaxies, stars, and distant exoplanets. It’s a wonder of technology with the potential to vastly widen humanity’s understanding of the cosmos, and perhaps will one day answer one of history’s oldest questions: Who the hell do we blame for all this bullshit, anyway?

“The promise of Webb is not what we know we will discover; it’s what we don’t yet understand or can’t yet fathom about our universe,” NASA Administrator Bill Nelson said in an official statement, adding he “can’t wait to see what it uncovers!” “Neither can we, Bill. Neither can we,” we mutter in response as we rub our hands together in anticipation of finally holding some higher power accountable for the utter nightmare of… all this.