New movie will take you to Medieval Times, because that's where we're going so you can at least try to like it

By Sean O'Neal | May 13, 2013 | 7:15pm

Aux Features Film

A production consortium composed of Broken Road, Benderspink, and your dad who only sees you on weekends since the divorce have pooled their resources to take you to chainmail chain restaurant Medieval Times, Deadline reports. But you wanted to go to the movies, you whine, to which they reply through gritted teeth that Medieval Times is better than a movie, with its ordinary original ideas. It’s an experience, one that combines the thrill of watching jousting knights with the excitement of eating chicken, all cloaked in the shiny armor of brand recognition. Also, if you’re good, you can have one of those foam axes from the gift shop. Bet your mom’s new boyfriend wouldn’t buy you a toy axe and then make a movie out of it, would he? What’s he like, by the way? Would you say he’s good-looking, or that he has any ideas for movies based on chain restaurants? Ha ha, it doesn’t matter. Don’t tell Mom they asked about this.

Anyway, while Medieval Times’ appearances on screen have mostly been played for laughs in films such as Garden State and The Cable Guy, the presentation being shopped to studios presumably takes a more serious tone, befitting the restaurant’s 30-year legacy and the fact that Game Of Thrones is popular. And after Medieval Times takes its rightful place in the tourney alongside World Of Warcraft and Dungeons And Dragons, maybe we can all go to The Cheesecake Factory, then make a gritty, blue-collar drama about a cheesecake union rep standing up against dangerous cheesecake factory conditions. Or you can just decide right now you're not going to have any fun that can be turned into a feature-length commercial, if that's the way you want it.