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Nicolas Cage was terrorized by a naked man holding a Fudgesicle

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Nicolas Cage’s new home invasion thriller Trespass proposes a nightmare scenario where thieves hold a family for ransom, only to discover far too late that one of them is Nicolas Cage. It’s an unthinkable situation—particularly as directed by Joel Schumacher, who also seems to believe that the film examines the current “class warfare” in America, which, no—but it’s one to which Cage says he can relate, as he explained to a Toronto Film Festival press crowd, with the typical Cage verve for detailed storytelling:

“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed. I know it sounds funny … but it was horrifying.”

“A Fudgesicle is a frozen, ice cream-like snack,” adds Reuters, hoping to provide some appropriately sobering clarification. Thanks, Reuters. Anyway, Cage says he was eventually able to talk some sense into the naked man and convince him to leave, explaining that he didn’t press charges because the man had “mental problems”—probably a needless elucidation, given that the voice of reason in this story is Nicolas Cage. Unfortunately, Cage says that he could no longer stay in his Orange County house after the incident. Perhaps this accounts for why he suddenly went out and bought like 15 new homes, each one another set of walls between himself and all those foreign, nude interlopers out to eat Nicolas Cage's Fudgesicles.