Hey, are we the only ones who noticed that Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin spaceship totally looked like a dick? Just kidding—that’s all everyone talked about yesterday when the Amazon billionaire blasted off on his 11-minute trip to space (people also loved to joke that they’ve lasted longer in bed than Bezos’ trek into the galaxy). The “space race” between Bezos, Virgin founder Richard Branson, and Elon Musk to see whose spaceship had the best performance definitely feels like the equivalent of comparing dick sizes in the locker room—and that’s not even mentioning the phallic undertones of the actual spaceships’ designs. But we have great news because now, the trio can all compare their spaceship dildos, too.
CamSoda—an adult entertainment company best known for webcamming services—took note of all the dick jokes surrounding Bezos’ spacecraft and made a Billionaire Flesh Rocket Series, with a series of dildos inspired by the billionaires’ massive rockets. There’s Blue Orgasm (Bezos’ Blue Origin), Galadick (Branson’s Virgin Galactic VSS Unity), and Space Sex (Musk’s SpaceX).
Because these were designed before actually taking a look at Bezos’ spacecraft, the design is merely based on the name, rather than the billionaire’s Hitachi Wand-looking ship. It’s just a regular dildo that’s the color blue—kind of anti-climatic for the penis-looking ship that inspired the dildos in the first place.
Branson’s dildo looks the most like his own ship, but we can’t stop looking at it in horror. It resembles a haunted, eyeless dolphin, so no thanks. Musk, who still hasn’t gone into space with SpaceX, gets the sleekest looking dildo. It’s plain and black, and its head looks like an actual spaceship rather than a dick.
If you actually get turned on by the thought of using a dildo based on a rich white guy’s post-mid-life crisis, you’ll have to wait a bit. CamSoda is sending these bad boys into production soon, and they’ll be available for pre-sale shortly.