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Here’s how a bunch of home-schooled kids were inadvertently exposed to vintage Conan O’Brien

Moses Storm, Conan O’Brien
Screenshot: Conan

Comedian and actor Moses Storm (Unfriended, the latest Arrested Development, that guy named Squirrel on This Is Us) is a big Conan O’Brien fan. Apart from getting to work with his idol (he was on O’Brien’s recent hiatus stand-up tour with Ron Funches, Flula Borg, and Laurie Kilmartin), Storm also got to sit down with Conan on the new, half-hour, casual dress Conan on Thursday to explain just how big a fan he was growing up. In the sense that he defrauded a religious educational institution in a diabolical scheme to disseminate the Mastubating Bear, Pimpbot 5000, and other of Conan’s most disreputable old bits to unsuspecting Christian homeschoolers around the country.

Well, that was merely a happy side effect anyway, as the himself homeschooled Storm wheedled a subscription to a Christian homeschoolers’ VHS service out of his TV-averse religious mom so he could have a VCR and a TV in his room. Then it was a simple matter of leaving 10 minutes of the fundamentalist educational material at the top (described by Storm as “photosynthesis is caused by the devil”), and then doing an overnight taping of Late Night With Conan O’Brien for secret consumption later. Except, as Storm told the clearly delighted O’Brien, he had to send the tapes back, where the company would simply mail the despoiled tapes back out to the next homeschooled student, perhaps opening some sheltered young minds to the illicit glories of the FedEx Pope, or a movie star cheekily and repeatedly sneaking a clip of a disabled child being hurled into a quarry on the air. Bringing the actual tape the eventually wised-up company sent to his mom (which Storm thankfully intercepted), the comic showed the clip the fuming Christian educators no doubt thought would be most damning, as a classroom science lesson snowily transforms into the sight of an S&M-garbed, ball-gagged Abraham Lincoln sullenly flagellating himself as he walks off the Late Night stage. Strangely, said the unrepentant Storm, the company’s letter said that Conan O’Brien was “not in line with our core Christian values.”


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Dennis Perkins

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Danny Peary's Cult Movies books are mostly to blame.