Nearly a year ago, Planters snuffed Mr. Peanut from the face of the Earth only to introduce us to a hideous imposter known as Baby Nut. Not long afterwards, this “Baby Nut” then mutated into a drunkard calling itself Peanut Jr., giving an exhausted, isolated populace a target for its collective rage.
Well, as you are probably well aware of by now, the year ain’t over yet, which is why it pains us to inform you all that Peanut Jr., is no more. You may now refer to the Planters mascot as, let’s see here—oh goddamnit...Bartholomew Richard Fitzgerald-Smythe, a.k.a. Bart.
To be honest, we really don’t know which name is worse, at this point. “If you thought the holidays were nutty, you haven’t experienced the peanut aging process,” reads the announcement tweet, a sentence that, ironically, aged us another decade or so upon typing it.
Speaking of irony: What better mascot for 2020 is there than Mr. Peanut/Baby Nut/Peanut Jr./Bart Nut? He’s a character whose chief story arc has been death—a death that was unnecessary, avoidable, and in the service of corporate profit. Perhaps Bart Nut will slip on his predecessor’s monocle as the world vaccinates, allowing us to return to some sense of normalcy while pretending the past year was just some terrible dream.
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