Prepare for heartbreak with these real opinions from some very real, very depressing Oscar voters

Among other things, both of the voters polled found Greta Gerwig’s Little Women far too confusing, employing as it does two whole different timelines for viewers to keep track of. Neither liked Marriage Story or The Irishman, either, with one of the voters comparing the latter unfavorably to Casino—“Listen, I’ve seen Casino, in its entirety, start to finish, 20 times,” he notes, ensuring we all know how schooled he is in Scorsese lore. Both were super impressed with Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time…In Hollywood, possibly because, as context clues suggest, both of the anonymous voters may have been around in Hollywood since the 1960s at least. (Which makes one’s assertion that he’s voting for Margot Robbie, for Bombshell, at least in part because “I have a crush on her” an extra-fun sentiment to contemplate.)

In other words, it is, as it is every year, a thoroughly dispiriting read—albeit one that’s also useful for getting into the Oscar voters’ head. It won’t necessarily give you the edge in your Oscar pool, given that neither of the voters polled last year pegged Green Book for the win. But if you want to understand why Renée Zellweger is probably going to end up taking home Best Actress this year— “She’s worked really hard, she’s not a quitter, and she’s had a lot of fucking haters after her ass”—it’s definitely worth a look.