Ridley Scott says the new Blade Runner will be a Deckard-less sequel in test designed to provoke emotional response

You’re reading a news report on Alcon Entertainment’s plan to reboot 1982’s Blade Runner. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The news report says that Alcon envisions Blade Runner as a new “multi-platform franchise.” Also, the entrée consists of boiled dog. It is a multi-platform boiled dog.

Ridley Scott agrees to return to oversee any Blade Runner-related project. Then Scott says that any new Blade Runner film is “liable to be a sequel.” However, he says even this is not set in stone yet, as he’s still searching for a screenwriter that can help him tell the story. The tortoise that is any Ridley Scott-related project lies on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs, trying to turn itself over but it can’t. Not without Ridley Scott making actual forward progress on any of the projects he’s committed to over the past couple of years. And not without finding an all-new cast, as this sequel won’t have any of the original characters.

The interviewer asks, “No Deckard?” Ridley Scott replies, “No, not really.” The Blade Runner tortoise kicks and kicks. It can’t turn itself over, not without your help, Ridley Scott. But you’re not helping, Ridley Scott. Now tell me, in single words, only the good things that come to mind about Harrison Ford. “Harrison Ford?” Ridley Scott asks. “Let me tell you about Harrison Ford…”