First, Burgundy will say "Go fuck yourself, Canada," as he joins TSN's coverage of the Canadian Curling Association. Curling—which inexplicably beat out hockey to become Canada's national sport, and is one of the only remaining sports Will Ferrell has not made a movie about—is that thing where guys with brooms brush a sheet of ice furiously, which is also a Canadian euphemism for masturbating. On Dec. 1, Burgundy will be co-hosting the opening day of the Roar of the Rings, a competition held every four years in which Canada's top curlers race across the Saskatchewan on sled dogs, wrestle a moose, carve a likeness of John Candy into the side of a mountain, eat a plate of fries smothered in cheese and gravy, then fight Toronto mayor Rob Ford to the death. The winner goes on to represent Canada in next year's Winter Olympics.
Later that same week, Ferrell will bring his well-groomed mustache to the desk of ESPN's SportsCenter on Dec. 5. While trapped in a glass case of emotion with Kevin Connors, Burgundy will finally get an opportunity to demand that Dwight Howard stay classy, and hopefully, stab Chris Berman with a trident.
