Soulja Boy weakens the nation with rap about the military
Already buried in a quagmire of never-ending wars and neglected by a nation that seems to have put its daily struggles safely out of mind, the United States military suffered another devastating blow this weekend when non-commissioned offisah Soulja Boy released the track “Let’s Be Real,” on which he raps the following lyrics: “Fuck the FBI and fuck all the Army troops / Bitch, be your own man / I'll be flying through the clouds with green like I'm Peter Pan." While such information is understandably classified, it’s suspected that war efforts were derailed as overseas troops immediately became distracted with envy over Soulja Boy, suddenly unable to focus on anything other than taunting visions of Soulja Boy frolicking across the sky, eternally carefree thanks to his self-made financial worth, just like the children's literature character Peter Pan.