Ted Cruz's hypocritical response to the Goya boycott reveals his grandparents are time travelers

Ted Cruz would like to cancel Cancel Culture, despite the fact that Ted Cruz participates in Cancel Culture. (Also, his grandparents are apparently time travelers—but more on that later.) This all started Thursday when Goya Foods CEO Robert Unanue gave a speech in the Rose Garden in which he said the U.S. is “truly blessed” to have Trump as president. Goya has long been a staple brand in the Latin community, and many consumers found the praise reprehensible given Trump’s racist rhetoric and immigration policies. When #Goyaway began trending on Twitter, Cruz decided to weigh in: “Goya is a staple of Cuban food. My grandparents ate Goya black beans twice a day for nearly 90 years. And now the Left is trying to cancel Hispanic culture and silence free speech. #BuyGoya” The Friday afternoon tweet did not go over well, with critics swiftly pointing out that the Texas senator was quick to call for a Nike boycott following the brand’s support of Colin Kaepernick in 2019.

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But the hypocrisy—and, you know, general awfulness—was not the only reason Cruz’s tweet got dragged. While generations of families have indeed enjoyed Goya products for decades, the company was actually founded in 1936. (Going down our own Wiki Wormhole, we discovered Goya was founded by Spanish immigrants Prudencio Unanue Ortiz and Carolina Casal. The husband and wife purchased the “Goya” name from a Moroccan sardine company because Ortiz believed that his last name was too difficult for American customers to pronounce. He apparently also liked the association to Spanish artist Francisco Goya. The more you know.) That means if Cruz’s grandparents have truly been eating “Goya black beans twice a day for nearly 90 years,” it’s almost the year 2026. Full disclosure: We can’t take credit for doing that math. In truth, we would’ve had to use a calculator. Instead, we can thank Twitter user Rob Hart for that revelation.

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Hart also says that Cruz’s grandfather is only 81 years old. That’s actually the age of Cruz’s father, Rafael. Cruz’s grandfather, also named Rafael, died in 1991. So, clearly, the only explanation is that Ted Cruz’s grandparents are time travelers who have been to the future. Or the past? Okay, we’re being hyperbolic—but so was Cruz…unless we’re right about the time travel stuff.

Ed. note: A previous version of this story stated that Cruz’s grandfather is currently 81. As we noted above, that is actually his father’s age. Facts matter.