The Jesus-like trials of Chris Brown continue as Doubting Thomases say he faked his community service

By Sean O'Neal | February 5, 2013 | 7:28pm

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Much as Jesus endured Doubting Thomas the Apostle, who demanded to feel His wounds before believing in the Lord’s resurrection, modern-day Jesus of feelings Chris Brown must now endure the skepticism of the L.A. District Attorney Jackie Lacey, who says she believes Brown faked all 1,400 hours of the court-ordered community service he received for assaulting Rihanna. Lacey, whose faith is clearly being tested by the devil, as well as the fact that there is no “credible, competent, or verifiable evidence,” has asked that a judge decline to accept Brown’s claim that he’s already fulfilled his obligation in his home state of Virginia, just as the disbelievers refuse to accept Jesus into their hearts. It is “at best sloppy documentation and at worst fraudulent reporting,” Lacey said of Brown’s statement of completion, tellingly echoing what atheists say of the Bible.

In both cases, only seeing the blood spilled for sin can possibly convince them—whether it be the actual blood Jesus spilled for the sin of the whole world, or the metaphorical blood Chris Brown has to spill by pretending to care about disadvantaged people for a little while, all for a sin his girlfriend is totally cool with. And so, just like Jesus, it seems Brown’s trials of martyrdom must go on. And millennia from now, hopefully we will similarly recognize his many sacrifices as the painful purging of all mankind’s hatred, mostly by focusing it all on Chris Brown.