Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

This Week In Terrifying Hybrids 1. Jessica Simpson + Hiring someone else to write a song about your divorce + The worst 'Descent into Madness' scene in music video history = The video for "I Belong To Me"

Some singers can convey emotion simply through the use of their voice. Jessica Simpson, however, can only convey emotion through emphatic lipsynching, repeatedly rubbing her neck and collarbone, and, of course, through the breathiest whiny breathiness you've ever heard. Still, this video is nothing if not a brave portrait of that complicated, emotional stage that every woman goes through after a divorce––that time when you don't want to do anything except cry––and maybe cut off your extensions, smear on some red lipstick and dress up like Courtney Love. That is, after all, why you bought the tiara. 2. Saw III + A vial of blood - Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton = This blood-enriched movie poster

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Yes. This poster

contains real blood from the real actor who is pretending to be a real murderer in a movie. Why? Well, obviously it gives the horror in the movie a certain level of creedance: If there's real blood in the poster, maybe there's real blood in the movie! And real murder! And real, uh, masks! It's the same reason they put real ghosts on the set of The Ghost Whisperer. 3. Perverted-Justice.com + A sense of humor that is best expressed through mugs, baby-Ts, and underwear = The Perverted-Justice.com store

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It may be a

highly questionable organization, but those child protectors at Perverted-Justice.com are always on the prowl for new ways to raise awareness about the exploitation of children. They've partnered with Dateline for the rivetingly stupid To Catch A Predator series. They operate a website that tracks and traps alleged pedophiles. And, of course, they've created this helpful pair of underwear that is more public service announcment than lingerie. Or, as they put it on their website, "Do everyone a favor and remove all doubt."

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Because exploitation of underage girls is wrong, wrong, wrong. But, once they're past the age of consent, they're totally free game.

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4. Eddie Vedder + Laird Hamilton + Baryshnikov + a chef + Sundance = The second season of Iconoclasts

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How on Earth did this show get to do a second season? I mean, it was truly amazing last season to hear how, like, in awe Renee Zellweger is of Christiane Amanpour, but two people awkwardly slobbering all over each other gets pretty boring after two minutes. What will Mikhail Baryshnikov say to the chef he admires? How long can Eddie Vedder and Laird Hamilton trade surfing metaphors? The suspense is incredible!

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