1. John McCain + what sounds like the Pirates Of The Caribbean soundtrack = the most powerful political rally video yet

Hey, you know what was popular? Pirates Of The Caribbean. You know who wants to be more popular? 2008 presidential hopeful, John McCain. Deftly combine the two and what do you get? John McCain: America's most swashbucklingest candidate for president in 2008!

Well played, McCain. I bet if you did a frame-by-frame analysis of the video, there would be more than a few quick, subliminal shots of that guy with the octopus beard and Captain Jack Sparrow in McCain 2008 t-shirts.

The words "McCain" and "Arrgh!" will be forever cemented together in my mind.

2. Tony Parker + A ridiculous surge of self-confidence caused by being an NBA player who is engaged to Eva Longoria + His native France + Le Hip-Hop = "Top Of The Game"


(My French is rusty, but I think he said, "Hi! My name is Pascal. I make good times at the discotheque. Which way is the Louvre? Is it possible for a Frenchman to get a table dance?")

There are many side effects to being engaged to Eva Longoria: crushing depression, allergic reactions to any one of the 18 layers of Mystic tan, bronzer, and blush she has shellacked on her face and person at any given time, pillowcases that look like the shroud of Turin (but with fake eyelashes) in the morning, constantly being surrounded by mirrors, etc. But the worst side effect of being engaged to Eva Longoria? Rapping in French. With Fabolous. And some guy named Booba.

Why is this happening? Did no one learn anything from Shaq Diesel? NBA players should stick to their strengths (i.e. playing basketball, selling sneakers, and having ridiculous suits custom made) instead of trying to become the next mediocre rapper.

3. Claire Danes + Ethel Merman + The Gap = The most annoying way possible to sell baggy khakis

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(video via BWE)

Ever since they hypnotized Americans into buying millions of pairs of pants with swing music, The Gap has been trying out other music/pants/dance combinations in their commericals in the hopes of re-capturing the magic.

The problem is that The Gap is also clearly suffering from some type of mental illness. How else can you explain the decision to combine AC/DC, Funny Face, and black pants, or Ethel Merman showtunes, Claire Danes, and hideous khakis?

It's like they have a lotto machine full of ping pong balls representing every movie, actress, and song from the last eighty years, and every time they need to market a new pair of pants, they just fire it up and make a commercial out of whatever God-awful combination pops up the tubes.