As 2022 slowly moves into the rearview mirror, the phrase “It’s a sprint, not a marathon” feels especially apt. Looking back across the calendar, it’s hard to believe how far entertainment has come—was it really only January when we were descending upon Twitter each Euphoria Sunday to discuss Cassie’s fall from grace? This year has been one hell of a long-distance race, so what better way to ring in 2023 than with a marathon of the more passive variety?
Here, we’ve compiled all the TV and movie marathons headed to cable on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day: what to watch, when to watch it, and why each binge fest might be just right for you.
SyFy
What’s playing: For the 26th year in a row— The Twilight Zone.
When to watch: Starting on New Years Eve at 2 A.M.
Why to watch: This year in real-world news just wasn’t weird enough for you (and there’s nothing you love more than a tried and true classic.)
Antenna TV
What’s playing: A “New Year’s Day Fresh Start Marathon”
When to watch: Starting on New Years Day at 5 A.M.
Why to watch: There’s nothing quite like the first time—and what better way to celebrate the first day of the year than with some of television’s most classic intros. Pilot episodes I Dream Of Jeannie, Family Ties, Welcome Back Cotter, Archie Bunker, Three’s Company, Father Knows Best, and more will be part of the day-long marathon. Even Designing Women will get its flowers at 7 P.M. E.T.!
TV One
What’s playing: Good Times and Sanford & Son
When to watch: Good Times from 6 A.M. through 3 A.M. on New Year’s Eve, Sanford & Son from 6 A.M. to 3 A.M. on New Year’s Day
Why to watch: You miss your family, and want to spend the day with one of TV’s greatest-ever clans. Alternatively, the Sanford & Son theme song has been stuck in your head and there’s only one way to get it out.
WPIX New York
What’s playing: The Honeymooners
When to watch: From 11 P.M. on New Year’s Eve through 5 P.M. on New Year’s Day
Why to watch: You understand Jackie Gleason’s star power, and want to watch him turn slapstick shenanigans into timeless television.
WLNY-TV 55/10 New York
What’s playing: The Odd Couple (for the tenth year straight!)
When to watch: From 10 P.M. on New Year’s Eve through 9 P.M. on New Year’s Day
Why to watch: You and your roommate fought one too many times about who would take care of the dishes this year, and it’s time to turn over a new leaf and laugh about it.
FXX
What’s playing: Family Guy
When to watch: From New Year’s Eve until 2 A.M. on January 2nd
Why to watch: Because it really does seem today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV. Alternatively, because this show is the high school boyfriend this writer simply can’t break up with, and what, you don’t love and support love?
USA Network
What’s playing: Law & Order: SVU and Chicago PD
When to watch: Law & Order: SVU starting at 6 am on New Year’s Eve, Chicago PD all New Year’s Day
Why to watch: You believe in the swift knife of justice, especially when carried out in a chilly and/or windy city.
Comet
What’s playing: Godzilla
When to watch: New Year’s Eve
Why to watch: Because all hail nature’s true king.
ION
What’s playing: Hawaii Five-O and Law & Order: SVU
When to watch: Hawaii Five-O on New Year’s Eve, Law & Order: SVU on New Year’s Day
Why to watch: Because Scott Caan is a top-tier nepo baby (and so is Mariska Hargitay).
Sundance
What’s playing: Law & Order and Columbo
When to watch: Law & Order on New Year’s Eve, Columbo on New Year’s Day
Why to watch: SVU just isn’t classic enough for you—alternatively, because they just don’t make men like Columbo anymore.
BBC America
What’s playing: Doctor Who
When to watch: From right now through 6 A.M. on January 2
Why to watch: You saw that teaser for the 60th-anniversary specials, and waiting any longer for your Tardis fix just won’t do.
E!
What’s playing: Back to The Future and The Karate Kid trilogies
When to watch: Back to The Future on New Year’s Eve, The Karate Kid on New Year’s Day
Why to watch: You love to watch a scampy teen learn about the big, emotional themes of life while embarking on an adventure well worth three movies—and Christopher Lloyd is just so damn cool.
Comedy Central
What’s playing: The Office
When to watch: 9 AM-1 AM on New Year’s Eve,
Why to watch: Because maybe 2023 is the year you meet the Pam to your Jim (and proceed to piss off your culturally elitist friends at Halloween parties for years to come).