Professional fun-ruiner Neil DeGrasse Tyson probably wouldn’t even have bothered getting out of bed this morning if he knew how hard he was about to be schooled. Falling victim to one of the most devastating of all intellectual attacks—hastily assembled diss tracks released in the middle of the night—the astrophysicist is now presumably loosening up his vest, having been instructed to do so in music form by hybrid rock-rap artist B.o.B. in his new tune, “Flatline.” Oh, also, B.o.B. thinks the world is flat.
Of course, if you were on the internet yesterday, you might have heard about bestselling musician B.o.B.’s unstoppable truth-bombs involving the global conspiracy to prevent people from learning that the Earth is actually flat. Starting Sunday evening and continuing into the next day, he sent out a series of tweets calling bullshit on this whole “round Earth” nonsense, through the unassailable scientific technique of drawing lines on pictures using Microsoft Paint.
— B.o.B (@bobatl) January 25, 2016
His whole feed is a hard-hitting exposé of the lies we’ve all been fed by “scientists” and “logic,” up to and including the faking of the moon landing. Needless to say, America’s top snake-oil salesman and stooge for Big Gravity Neil DeGrasse Tyson felt pressured by his nefarious overlords to step in and try to do some damage control. Just witness his evil attempts to be good-natured and yet correct B.o.B.’s hypothesizing.
Little did he realize, Tyson had kicked the hornet’s nest, only replacing ”hornet’s” with “B.o.B.’s”, and “nest” with “mental leap into tin-foil hat land.” B.o.B. was so incensed by this assault on his brave stance against rationalist thought, he felt compelled to take Neil DeGrasse Tyson to school—vaguely anti-Semitic rap school, that is. His new track “Flatline” not only zings Tyson, it implies Obama is controlled by some abstract Jewish authority, urges people to read the work of a known Holocaust denier, and suggests they check out the author of a book entitled Underwater And Underground Bases: Surprising Facts The Government Does Not Want You To Know. Genius.com has all the lyrics, if you’d like to crazy-sing along as you listen.
For his part, B.o.B. is still at it on Twitter, dropping hard facts and making sure that all the bad press he’s getting doesn’t get in the way of him getting you the stone-cold truth.
Since all mass media wants to make me look crazy and drag me through the mud… make sure you mention the cloning centers I talked about
— B.o.B (@bobatl) January 26, 2016
UPDATE: Well, that didn’t take long. Tyson must have found another lackey to do the bidding of all those deep pockets in the Heliocetric Solar System lobby, because a Philadelphia rapper (also named Tyson, perhaps because he’s Tyson’s nephew) wrote a response diss track to B.o.B. “Flat To Fact” offers a rebuttal to the rapper’s claims—and frankly, it’s pretty weak. See what happens when all you have to stand on is hundreds of years of scientific fact? You get awkward art.