What Frustrating, Ultimately Unsatisfactory Mysteries Does JJ Abrams Have In Store For Us?

Release your hold on logic, and dust off your confused/angry face, because JJ Abrams, the guy who told you Nicki and Paulo were really important to the mythology of the island on Lost then buried them alive a few episodes later because (let's face it) they were boring, has a new mystery-packed show for you to become frustrated and obsessed with: Fringe. Unlike Abrams' last new TV show, What About Brian, where the central mystery (Seriously: what about Brian?) didn't have paranormal explanations, Fringe, described as a thriller about "a trio who explore paranormal mysteries" promises to lean heavily on the supernatural to both explain and confuse things.

So what are some of the Fringe mysteries Abrams is already floating to the dazed masses via marketing campaign? Here are a few:

Why is a six-fingered person leaving palm prints everywhere?

Not to quibble, but extra (or fewer digits like, say, a four-toed foot) isn't exactly paranormal. It's just a kinda weird—unless you're Anne Boleyn, in which case the sixth finger is a clear sign that you're a witch who has cast a spell on our beloved king.

Why is Pacey from Dawson's Creek wearing scrubs?

Theories: 1. Dawson cast Pacey in his new short film, Flatliners: The Next Generation. 2. Dream sequence. 3. In his part time, Pacey helps out at the Capeside morgue.

Who is branding our most precious resource, leaves?

Theories: 1. Freemasons. 2. Aliens. 3. Alien Freemasons. 4. Louis Vuitton 5. Penelope Whidmore's dad, for some reason.

Where did all these annoying cows come from?

From TV Week:

The most outrageous part of the [Fringe] campaign will see Fox importing two dozen cows to heavy traffic locations in Manhattan. The bovine billboards will be accompanied by street teams handing out all sorts of "Fringe"-themed merchandise, from T-shirts to apples.

Oops. That's not much of a mystery. It's Fox. And JJ Abrams.

Who would boast about getting the writers of Transformers for their new TV show?

Oops, looks like Fox and JJ Abrams are behind this mystery as well. Something tells me that they will both be very important to building the mythology of this show.