As our nation stumbles ever closer to the brink of a war launched via tweet from a man who can’t locate the target country on a map, Americans are turning to one another and saying, “What can I do?”
Unless you’re a high-level executive at Twitter who can delete President Trump’s account (and if you are, for the love of God, please contact The A.V. Club, we have some questions for you), the answer is, “Not much.” But when it comes to building a gigantic border wall, Trump’s second-worst idea (running neck and neck with roughly every other idea he’s had in the past couple years), there’s an opportunity to put your money where his insipid architectural plan is. Cards Against Humanity has announced a holiday promotion, “Cards Against Humanity Saves America,” designed to throw a giant geographical wrench in the works of the border wall. We’ll let the company explain it:
Donald Trump is a preposterous golem who is afraid of Mexicans. He is so afraid that he wants to build a twenty-billion dollar wall that everyone knows will accomplish nothing. So we’ve purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built. On Day 1, all Cards Against Humanity Saves America recipients will get an illustrated map of the land, a certificate of our promise to fight the wall, some new cards, and a few other surprises.
Yes, for just $15, you can contribute to a small section of land that will stand in between Donald Trump and his dream of a tall—just huge really, the absolute tallest, everybody agrees—border wall symbolically flipping the bird to our neighbors to the south, with extra emphasis on “symbolic,” given the projected efficacy of this wall at its intended goal. In exchange, over the course of December, the company will send you six surprises in the mail. Is this a business marketing strategy? Absolutely. Is it working? We’re writing about it, aren’t we? Does none of that really matter because it’s an excellent idea? Hell, we’ll even make an official endorsement of the promotion.
No word yet on the location of the plot of land, but we should know soon enough. In the meantime, don’t worry, everyone who thinks Cards Against Humanity is trying to somehow be politically correct. As the company itself says, “We’re just being regular correct.”