Because this week's episode of Dr. Drew's Carnival Of Entitled Almost-weres was almost maddeningly dull–they can't all be as exciting as last week's–I'd like to offer you the above clip to get your motor running. It's Jeff Conaway and his co-dependent goth-wannabe ladyfriend Vikki Lizzi performing on something called the Reality Awards. I didn't know such a thing existed, and I feel pretty good about that. (I'm also not watching this season of the Scott Baio show, so that's two points in my favor. Still watching this and Rock Of Love, so I probably won't be getting into heaven.)
Anyway, I digress. Oh wait, one more thing! The Reality Awards is hosted by Kennedy. If you remember her, you probably didn't until just now.
Anyway, this week's CR felt more than ever like a "very special" episode, except it came across as only slightly special, which is to say that lessons were perhaps learned and the overall tone was pretty boring. Never did I think I'd be wishing for the return of Daniel Baldwin, but at least then we'd have a villain. That role is, for now, being handled by Baldwin's understudy (I was trying to think of a clever way to combine "bro" with "understudy" there but the best I could think of was "bro-derstudy"), former Ultimate Fighting Champion Ricco "Hairgel" Rodriguez. Even when the guy is trying to be sincere, he's a brutish ass of the highest order. His wife or girlfriend or punching bag drops the whole, "I can handle this, but not our son!" (which is bad enough), but then when it's time for him to react, he says something like, "I thought I was doing perfect." Right, like when you dragged her presumed-lifeless body into the driver's seat after your accident. Dick.
Oh, I should back up. This is all in the context of "friends and family" day, because Dr. Drew's theory is that rehab is as much about your family as it is you. In some cases, this is obviously true. That bombshell Vikki Lizzi agrees to get all the drugs out of her and Jeff's house, but she balks at Drew's order to remove the alcohol, too. "Okay," she says, "but if I need a drink, I gotta go out and get one… If I get a migraine." (She doesn't think this is a problem, which I find just monumentally hilarious.)
In not hilarious news: Mary Carey's mom shows up to give the TV audience an idea what somebody with real problems looks like. She's schizophrenic, quite out of it, and probably smarter than Jeff Conaway and Ricco Rodriguez put together–and certainly a more sympathetic character than either. She jumped off a building and tried to kill herself a year ago, inspiring Mary to try and change her life. (She has thus far not changed her life, but the ballet dancing could be a key…) Mary, remarkably, didn't say anything amazingly dumb this week, but she did refer to "God and stuff."