David Lee Roth announces retirement in typically rambling David Lee Roth fashion
"I am throwing in the shoes," the legendary Van Halen singer declared today, as though that's something that people say

David Lee Roth has announced that he’s retiring from the world of rock music. Not, as one might assume—were one completely unfamiliar with the style, history, and collective life decisions of David L. Roth—via a press release or even an interview, but via a rambling, digressive monologue delivered to the Las Vegas Review-Journal earlier today.
During the call—characterized by writer John Katsilometes as “a phone conversation that was more a spoken-word performance than interview”—Roth declared that a run of performances scheduled for early January 2022 at the House Of Blues in Vegas will be the final ones of his career, either solo or with his legendary rock band Van Halen, a run that will hit its 50-year milestone next year.
“I’m not going to explain the statement,” Roth apparently said during the conversation, during which he also asked not to be interrupted. “The explanation is in a safe. These are my last five shows.”
(We understand that you might have questions about this statement, dear readers, but rest assured: The explanation is in a safe.)