For the Porg hater in your family, may we suggest this lovely crystal fox

By Reid McCarter  |  November 21, 2017 | 6:20pm
Aux Features great job internet
For the Porg hater in your family, may we suggest this lovely crystal fox

There are many reasons not to be in love with Star Wars: The Last Jedi’s new mascot, the presumably awful-smelling Porgs. From their disgusting egg babies to the fact that they’re causing members of Congress to waste their time editing Wikipedia pages, the screaming penguin beast is definitely not for everyone.

As corporations do, though, Star Wars’ vast galactic media empire has created back-up creatures as Porg alternatives, ensuring that if one mascot doesn’t work, there’s a failsafe waiting to pick up any errant merchandising dollars.

Enter the Vulptex Crystal Fox:

Despite a name far less likely to catch on than the simple, straightforward “Porg,” the Crystal Fox has a rough charm its most direct competition can’t hope to match.

Not only does it appeal to rich WASPS, being both an extremely huntable fox covered in “25,000 crystals” suitable for re-use in a garish chandelier, but it also looks rough and wild in a way the little, babyish Porg is not. The Crystal Fox, to put this in the most appropriate terms, seems like the Han Solo to the Porg’s Luke Skywalker. Sports enthusiasts, too, are more likely to be drawn in by the definite allure of invented noun “Vulptex” than the word “Porg,” which sounds like either a ska subgenre or a brand of candy that turns kids’ tongues neon green.

Pick your favorite creature, Star Wars says, knowing that it has now covered two separate mascot-loving demographics just in time for the holiday season. There’s a plushy fantasy animal in your future, but it’s up to you to choose which one you prefer.

 
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