And lo! Another Trump Book Day is upon us. Trump Book Days often work like this: Dipshits who kissed the president’s feet until he threw them under the bus write tell-alls about what a bad little boy he’s been so they’ll make a shitload of money and people will tweet about it as the administration quietly guts another social service.
But, hey, the latest book that Republicans won’t read is different from those penned by John Bolton and Michael Cohen; this one, called Rage, comes from legendary journalist Bob Woodward and is woven from 18 one-on-one chats with the president. Per this breakdown from CNN, Rage is incredibly damning, detailing how Trump definitively knew the dangers of COVID-19 but continued to hold rallies and downplay it to the public anyways, how his relationship with dictator Kim Jong-un is even more cozy than we realized, and how he apparently built a “nuclear weapons system” that we don’t know about. That’s some dark shit! And this time there’s audio! The White House is scrambling!
Sadly, we all know where this is going: Trump will say it’s fake, Chuck Schumer will tweet about it, and they’ll all move on to the next scandal. Still, there’s one nugget in Woodward’s book that stood out amidst all the terror, and that’s Jared “Slumlord” Kushner saying that the best way to understand his father-in-law is to read Lewis Carroll’s Alice In Wonderland. More specifically, the president’s senior advisor compares Trump to the story’s ever-grinning Cheshire Cat, who famously said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any path will get you there.”
“Did Kushner understand how negative this was?” Woodward asks in his book. “Was it possible the best roadmap for the administration was a novel about a young girl who falls through a rabbit hole, and Kushner was willing to acknowledge that Trump’s presidency was on shaky, directionless ground?”
No, Kushner probably intended it as a celebration of Trump’s chaotic energy and perceived ability to find unconventional paths towards solutions. Anyways, he’s wrong. If we must compare the president to a character in a children’s book—something that’s become annoyingly prevalent of late—Trump is that pigeon from Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! You see, Trump is the pigeon that we were not supposed to let drive the bus. Now, he’s driving the bus.
Rage is out on September 15.