Photo: Kevork Djansezian (Getty Images)

Recently, gun-porn streaming service NRATV popped up in the news when sensible humans who value lives over glorified toys started calling for streaming providers like Roku and Apple TV to pull the digital network from their platforms. Now, presumably after realizing how easy it was for a faux-cult like the NRA to get this kind of attention, Scientology has decided to get in on the TV game. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the organization is going to launch a TV network tomorrow, March 12, on DirecTV, Apple TV, and Roku, with an app, a twitter account, and a new website set to launch alongside the network.

THR adds that it’s “not immediately clear” what the network will air or if any of the group’s “famous members” will be involved, but but we think this sounds like a great oppurtunity to launch a new vehicle for Scientology member Danny Masterson. He was fired from Netflix’s The Ranch in December, nine months after the LAPD launched an investigation into multiple sexual assault accusations that had been brought against the actor, so Scientology could easily offer him a new gig—especially since Leah Remini thinks the group has already been pulling some strings for him.


Other than that, Scientology could probably fill some programming hours with a reverse Disappeared-like show that’s all about how Scientology head David Miscavige’s wife is totally safe and unharmed, or maybe a take on one of those wacky hidden camera things but it’s about confronting former Scientology members who have denounced the organization. Beyond that, THR does say that Scientology TV will have “full episodes of your favorite shows,” so maybe it can pick up reruns of The Handmaid’s Tale (starring Scientology’s Elisabeth Moss), The Simpsons (starring Nancy Cartwright), or That ‘70s Show (starring both Masterson and Laura Prepon).