If there’s a silver lining to the rapid metastization of Brand Culture on social media, it’s that someday we’ll be able to look back it all and say, “Yep, evolution is definitely real.” How else could you explain the last decade of public-facing corporate culture, which has steadily moved, through a dismal variety of easily tracked steps, from “We’re sorry we screwed up your nuggets order, sir,” to “Hey fuckos, let’s talk about Naruto while slurping down #Frostys with our squad.” The strategies vary—from Wendy’s computationally calculated “sass,” to Steak-Umm’s beef-based life coaching, to Moon Pie’s irony-heavy self-deprecation. But the lesson is obvious: They’re here…and they’re learning.
Which brings us, in roundabout fashion, to today, and the introduction of a new apex predator into the Branded Twitter ecosystem. Quail and quaver, mortals: The Arby’s Waifu has arrived.
Technically, the character has been floating around on the internet for a few months, allowing dedicated loose sandwich meat fans to finally answer the question man has been asking himself for centuries: What if I could marry an Arby’s? But the company made a full court press for Arby’s Waifu acceptance today, inviting fans to reinvent their personal horse(y sauce) person of the branded apocalypse, in their own artistic style.