Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, August 9. All times are Eastern.
Hard Knocks (HBO, 10 p.m.): As other aspects of the What’s On Tonight gestalt entity have already noted, there’s damn near nothing on at the moment—hell, that night’s top pick ended up not even happening because the field conditions were too awful. So we can’t believe we’re saying this, but, hey, want to spend some time with Jeff Fisher? HBO’s annual trip to an NFL training camp stops this year with the newly relocated Los Angeles Rams, and Jeff Fisher, football’s wonderfully mustachioed but otherwise most mediocre coach, is our de facto host for the shenanigans. Look, this thing clearly peaked when Rex Ryan and the New York Jets were the subjects, but we suppose it’s always possible that the move to Los Angeles will bring out some delightful weirdness from St. Louis’ former team.
Steven Universe (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.): How is Eric Thurm still alive after all these Steven Bombs? The man has cranked out 15 reviews since July 18, and neither he nor the show betrays any signs of slowing down. Tonight’s episode features Amethyst acting strangely when she and Steven visit friends in the country, which we take to mean she’s a total snob about country people.
WWE SmackDown Live (USA, 8 p.m.): We’re two weeks away from SummerSlam, and we’re looking pretty set with the Blue Brand’s two main matches of Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler for the WWE World Championship and John Cena vs. A.J. Styles for the enduring right to beat up John Cena. The other announced SmackDown match is the Intercontinental title bout between Apollo Crews and the Miz, who is pretty much the perfect guy to bring some personality out of the hugely talented but bland Crews. Meanwhile, LaToya Ferguson is just so damn worried about the injury status of poor Eva Marie.
Animal Kingdom (TNT, 9 p.m.): The first season concludes with a hunt for a missing person while the authorities close in on the Cody family’s crimes. We’ll admit we’re not up to date on this show, but we’ll guess that description and the fact that this is the finale mean that, as Hot Fuzz once so eloquently quoted Bad Boys 2…
Bizarre Foods (Travel, 9 p.m.): The show’s tenth season concludes with a trip to Cyprus, and what’s on offer honestly sounds less bizarre and more just straightforwardly appetizing, with stuffed grape leaves, pork belly, and goat milk all waiting to be tasted. Also, host Andrew Zimmern nibbles on the world’s oldest cookie, which sure seems like the kind of thing people get in trouble for, depending on just how much the good people of Cyprus value the continued existence of the world’s oldest cookie.
Women In Prison (ID, 9 p.m.): One of ID’s rare not specifically murder-themed shows still brings the murder and the lurid to its season finale, with an episode invitingly titled “The Hustler And The Teen Mom.” Here’s the episode description, which suggests plenty of desperation and heartbreak underpinning the subjects’ crimes, and we’re sure all will be treated with the respect such weighty subjects deserve: “A pregnant teenager and her boyfriend, who need cash, murder an elderly relative. Also: a single mom runs a blackmail scam in order to support her children, but her need for more money leads her to falsify disability checks for one of her kids.”
Greatest Ever (TruTV, 10 p.m.): Another show wrapping up its season, Greatest Ever ends with a look at the greatest newscasts ever. “Anchor chemistry” and “drunk heckler” are listed as key phrases here, so we’re guessing there will be less sober reflection on Walter Cronkite’s career than we initially assumed. We mostly just mention this show because our cursory research on this show brought up the fact that host Amanda Seales once had a recurring role on My Brother And Me as Deonne Wilburn, a character we don’t honestly remember but apparently “has a habit of being pessimistic and comes up with negative scenarios that even annoy Melanie,” the titular brothers’ older sister. Admittedly, it’s been about 20 years since we last watched that show, but we realize the only things we can remember from it are the catchphrase “Don’t hold your breath!” and one episode where we’re pretty sure all the characters imagined competing shoe commercials, or something. Anyway, Greatest Ever! Go watch it, maybe!
Bojack Horseman (Netflix)
“Non Est Asylum,” Constantine (CW Seed): This show was completely unfindable online when we were looking for it in preparation for John Constantine’s Arrow guest spot last year. We guess said crossover went over pretty well, all things considered, as the entire series is now available to stream on The CW’s dedicated site. Too late for us, admittedly, but we guess the world doesn’t entirely stop and start at our convenience.