Things That Still Exist, But Shouldn't

1. Real World/Road Rules Challenge

Nothing will transform you into a workable facsimile of a street-corner proselytizer railing about society's rapid downward spiral while wearing a sandwich board that reads, "The End Is Near!" faster than watching a few minutes of Real World/Road Rules Challenge. If the current incarnation of The Real World is the slowly rotting corpse of our culture, Road Rules/Real World Challenge is the foul-smelling gas that the corpse emits as it decomposes. Seriously, it's maybe the lowest, basest, most idiotic form of entertainment—and despite all that it's still horribly dull.

By far, the worst part about Road Rules/Real World Challenge is that over the many, long years of its existence it has created its own fully-contained, self-sustaining casting pool. The contestants are MTV reality show lifers, professional reality show "stars" who make their living by appearing on these Challenges to sit in jacuzzis, get drunk on camera, and cause "drama." As such, they are terribly uninteresting people. But since both the Real World and the Challenges continue to air, potential contestants for the show continue to replicate like wet gremlins. When will it stop?

Honestly, the only case one could make for the continued existence of this show (now in its 15th season) is to have a placeholder for the Worst Television Show In History.

2. Sports Comedies Starring Will Ferrell


I've said this before, but after seeing Will Ferrell proudly wearing his 1970s- basketball-shorts-of-hilarity in no fewer than three commercials today, it deserves to be said again: No more Talledega Blades Of Semi-Pro. There must be some other way to work a scene where Ferrell takes off his shirt in a gratuitous display of comedy into a film, without resorting to a sport-centric plot filled with wacky-tacular costumes. Enough is enough.

3. Pizza Innovations


Pizza Hut has a new "Crunchy Cheesy Crust Pizza" (aka "The Redundant Pizza"), which means that Dominos is surely only a few short months away from debuting their new "Pizza-y Pizza-Crust Pizza." You would think that pizza chains would have it pretty easy: making a simple dish with just enough room for individual, signature variations in terms of sauce and cheese and toppings. But instead, they're always pointlessly fiddling with the crust.

I'm sure someone (Papa John's?) is hard at work right now on a Confetti Crust Pizza (a braided crust stuffed with flakes of edible gold and garlic that burst into your mouth when you bite into it).