“You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. But now you’re like one of the Arabians my father used to own: Rode hard and put away wet. I don’t want you now and I don’t see why anyone else would.”
In a word: Ouch.
With “The Thin Line Between Love and Nate” being the last script in the can before the Writer’s Strike started, tonight’s episode seems likely to be the last of the season, unless the two sides miraculously bridge the massive gulf between them some time soon. I’m not sure if the producers anticipated this could be the potential finale or it was just dumb luck, but tonight’s hour felt like a proper season-ender—and an immensely satisfying one at that. Consider where it leaves us, with Dan and Serena finally exchanging the “L” word and a newly scandalized Blair, abandoned by all but her equally scandalized best frenemy, resolved to flip the script and take revenge on everyone who has wronged her. Some big new developments, a little sweetness, and promise of revenge from the show’s most adorably vindictive character: I’ll tune in however many months from now, won’t you?
But I’m getting ahead of myself by looking ahead to next season. And I’m also got ahead of myself by opening with that poisonous little monologue from Chuck, which is the worst in a series of humiliations visited upon Blair as she plummets down the social ladder. Let’s start with Gossip Girl herself, who finally goes from catty observer to active participant in this episode. I’ve been lobbying for the show to use the GG gimmick as more than just a cute framing device or a running commentary on events that need no further embellishment. Tonight, the GG blog set off the daisy-chain of misunderstandings and back-biting that kept the episode percolating, and finally demonstrated how the rumor mill can upend people’s personal lives. Whether the rumors are true or not doesn’t really matter.
Right off the bat: Pregnancy scare! Serena should know by now to look over her shoulder for GG’s Sidekick-armed schoolgirl paparazzi, but she’s too engrossed with picking out the right pregnancy test to notice the shutterbug taking shots in plain sight. By the time she even gets the cashier, the pictures have circulated the digital world and Serena once again finds herself the center of attention. But surely none of you believed that Serena was buying the test for herself, did you? The writers do a fine enough job covering up this little twist, but it’s impossible to believe that she and Dan would have unprotected sex. He’s a Humphrey, after all: If there weren’t condoms around, he’d probably dip his scrotum in boiling water just to be sure. Any guy who sets the mood by putting more candles on display than in The Police’s “Wrapped Around Your Finger” video is clearly thinking things through. Chuck, on the other hand… not so much.
Giving Blair the pregnancy scare turned out to be a masterstroke. For one, it adds another layer to the big revelation that she lost her virginity to Chuck before losing her fake virginity to Nate. It would have been hard enough to deal with the truth about who’s sleeping with whom, but adding a paternity test to the mix kicks it up several notches. For two, we get to see Blair’s swift and stunning fall from grace after Chuck decides to finally play his hand on the Gossip Girl site. (Poor Chuck, thinking himself the evil genius, lacked the foresight to realize that there would be some serious blowback for him, too.) One of the things I find irresistible about the show is how the rules that applied to New York high society a century ago haven’t really changed, no matter how much its complexion has. The moment Blair is tarred as a harlot, her adoring underlings turn on her like a pack of hyenas; it’s strange to think that Blair’s pristine sexuality was somehow the root of her power—money seemed more likely—but in this world, it makes sense. Sleeping with two guys in quick succession (particularly Chuck, who isn’t “special” like Nate) is a show of weakness, and she fast discovers that her loyal subjects do not respect vulnerability from their leader.